What's Your Suggestibilty? Knowing Your Personal Style of Communication and How You Process Information

Suggestibility is a term that can be used to describe how much you are influenced by something or someone. However, another explanation was developed by psychotherapist and hypnosis expert, John Kappas, PhD, who believed your suggestibility is also about how you receive and process information as well as communicate. This may seem unimportant, but actually it's helpful for most people to be aware of how they process information and communicate as it allows one to be more successful in relationships, work situations and any interaction with people. When you understand your style of communication and processing, as well as someone else’s style, you can more easily express your needs, be understood, and know the needs of the other person.

So what did John Kappas mean by “suggestibility?” From years of his research studying thousands and thousands of hypnosis clients, he determined that there are two types of suggestibility, or learning/communication styles: Emotional and Physical. Emotionally suggestible people were found to take in or process the information they hear inferentially, but when speaking to another person, they speak literally. “Emotionals,” therefore, look for the inference or the meaning behind what they hear communicated to them, but at the same time, when they say something, it is more direct, concrete and to-the-point. So, for example, you might tell an emotionally suggestible person,” You look really nice today,” and the “emotional” will automatically be wondering why you are giving them a compliment in the first place, if you actually mean to be complimentary or if you’re trying to insinuate they didn’t look nice on the other days. Basically, they will try to figure out the other meaning(s) to what they were told. By an “emotional” speaking literally on the other hand, when asked a question, they will typically give a simple “yes” or “no” answer or a brief answer, but they will usually respond in a short and concise manner with not a lot of extra details.

The physical suggestible is the opposite of the emotional suggestible in that they take in information literally and speak inferentially. So when given the same example of a “physical” being told, “You look really nice today,” they will take this comment at face value and accept that this is what you mean, plain and simple. Whereas the emotional might just respond with a “thanks” to the compliment, the physical might go into a ten minute discussion about where they got their hair done over the weekend and how they found a really good sale for the outfit they are wearing. When asking a physical suggestible a question, they will typically talk around the subject, use a lot of details, and answer the question in a more round-about way. Words tend to be very important and powerful to physicals also since they take everything much more literally. So when you say something to a physically suggestible person, their understanding of what you are saying will be based on the words you use rather than on any nuances of what you are saying such as your body language, tone of voice, etc.

Interestingly, because “emotionals” and “physicals” are natural opposites in their communication and learning styles, they can be both complimentary while sometimes also being frustrating or confusing. A physically suggestible female, for example, might wonder why her emotionally suggestible partner doesn’t want to talk more and give more details about his work day, while the emotionally suggestible male is wondering why his physically suggestible partner talks about all the details of her work day and doesn’t just “get to the point.” Over time, each person may begin to feel resentful, confused or angry creating problems between the two individuals. This is why it’s helpful to know how you communicate and how the other person may be receiving or interpreting your responses. Not to say you have to completely change the way you speak, but an “emotional” needs to be aware that a “physical” is naturally going to use more details and descriptions when speaking and that it’s just a part of who they are. Whereas, a “physical” can be aware that an “emotional” is naturally not going to be as verbal as they are and will give more direct answers. Neither one is good or bad, right or wrong, they are just different styles. Emotionals can also benefit from understanding that a physical suggestible will put a lot of importance on what the emotional says and will receive the information literally, while the emotional will put more importance on the way something is said rather than on the specific words.

So how do we become physically or emotionally suggestible and does it change over time? How we develop into being emotionally suggestible or physically suggestible was found by John Kappas to be determined from one’s relationship with their primary caregiver between the ages of zero to about eight. During this period of time, Kappas determined that depending on how the primary caregiver communicated and interacted with the child, that child would adapt in a way that best allowed them to function and get their needs met by the caregiver. Children who have caregivers who say what they mean and mean what they say and are consistent and predictable in their communication style, develop physical suggestibility, meaning they take what people say at face value, literally, and they don’t try to figure out the meaning behind what someone is saying. Children with caregivers who are not consistent in how they communicate, who don’t say what they mean and give more mixed messages when communicating, develop an emotional suggestibility where they are always trying to interpret what is being said and to “read between the lines,” since they can’t be sure what is being said is what the person really means.

Suggestibility does not seem to change over time either. Not to say that conscious adjustments can’t be made by an individual, but the natural suggestibility of the person remains consistent. Again, neither one is good or bad, it’s just helpful to understand them for your own personal benefit and self-awareness. When trying to determine someone else’s suggestibility, pay attention to whether the speaker tends to dominate the conversation or is more reserved and whether they answer questions more concisely or with a lot details and explanation. Physical suggestibles will also tend to use their physical body more in conversation by using their hands, arms and more gestures and are more comfortable being physically close to the person they are speaking to. Physical suggestibles are also less concerned about what others think of them and may not completely listen to what the other person is saying in a conversation. The emotional suggestible, on the other hand, will appear more controlled and will be more protective of their physical body by maintaining more distance. The emotional suggestible focuses more on what others think of them and may experience more feelings of self-consciousness, worry, and even embarrassment in social situations.

Again, both types of suggestibility are equally valid, it just helps to know what style of processing and communication you have to better relate to others whether it be at home, work or in the community. So the next time you start to feel frustrated by the way your partner, friend, or boss is communicating, take a moment to notice your style and theirs to see if there is a difference and how it may be just a matter of suggestibility.