Manage Living With A Difficult Husband: How To Deal With A Difficult Husband
Doing a review of complaints by women suffering emotional isolation because their husbands don't know how to communicate with them and prefer instead to retreat into emotional silence, we can see this as a growing epidemic problem.
Why is this behavior happening? Don't men know that marriage emotional repair and support is part of their tasks? No marriage can survive without a dedicated frame of mind where both are committed to support and help the other develop and be happy.
Looking at attachment theories, we can see that this passive aggressive behavior is the resulting defective response of a child growing up in an environment where his needs were not supported, recognized or met. This style of behavior is the indicator of an "inner child" wounded by his care-givers, who had no support or ways of processing what happened. And here are the consequences:
The "wounded inner child" mistrusts all the adults around him, and harbors a lot of pent up anger. It results in general negativity, revenge fantasies, lack of cooperation and in general a refusal to play by the adult world rules.
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As we are confused by his appearance, (because this person looks and acts as a "grown up") we tend to trust that he will fulfill his commitments...and this exactly is the opportunity for him to act and frustrate other people's expectations about him almost on purpose.
Does the person knows what he is doing? yes, a lot of people (from his wife to his bosses) tell him that something is amiss; that there is a gap between expected behaviors and his faulty delivery.
Does the person knows why he is doing what he is doing? No, he doesn't realize the childhood attachment problems he is a result of. For him, this is a "natural way of being," and this compounds the problem because he doesn't see his own problem for a long time.
Sometimes the behavioral roots are too much in the past, forgotten but still active in day to day reactions...What is really sad is that this personality type destroys the same relationship that could help him overcome this childhood handicap, and so helping him to mature along time.
By the time he accepts he needs to change, his wife has divorced him and he finds himself with a lot of failures in his life to process.
If you are a middle aged man finding yourself hearing too many complaints from your spouse and friends, and suspect that they are disappointed and angry at you, you'd better get reading about passive aggressive behavior.
Perhaps you need to take a test to see the degree of passive aggression you are unconsciously living with; then to prepare a good plan of action including some understanding of the deep childhood reasons determining your behavior, and finally learn new strategies using the help of a good conflict coach. Good luck!
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If you sense that your husband needs a bit of special attention, I have a solution for you. I know, because it worked for me. Here are 6 things to do to make your husband feel special:
1 - Be Confident in Your Looks
If you are like 99% of women out there, there is some part of your looks - your face, hair, or body - that you feel could be improved upon. You may feel that you are not as attractive as you could be and that your husband might love you more if you looked better. Well, it is no secret that men are indeed attracted looks, and your husband is no exception to that rule. However, it is a lesser-known fact among women that what men care about at least as much as looks is the actual confidence that a woman exudes about her looks. That's right: you have the power to influence how special your husband feels about the attractive woman he is with (that's you!) merely by showing more confidence in your sexuality. Confidence is a turn-on, as any man will tell you. So, while you should continue to try to look your best, be sure to throw in a healthy dose of self-confidence in order to keep him feeling attracted to you.
2 - Do Little Things to Delight Your Husband
Think about how good it feels when someone does something nice and unexpected for you. Great, right? Well, your husband is no exception. The next time you would like to make your husband feel special, offer to do something out of the ordinary. You can do so without spending much money. For example, you could stop by the store and pick up his favorite car magazine or candy bar. Or, find one of his old favorite movies on TV and record it, then offer to watch it with him. Even try downloading or buying a song he loves - either an oldie or a new Top 40 hit. The point is, these little surprises will make him feel very special.
What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time
3 - Show Appreciation for Him
Everyone likes to be made to feel that they offer something unique that nobody else offers. We all like to feel that we are appreciated by other people - especially our spouses. Buy your husband a card or just write him a simple note and list out a few things that you really appreciate about him. Leave it where he can easily find it. He will instantly feel a little bit more special just by reading it.
4 - Make Sure He Knows You Only Have Eyes for Him
One of the best ways to make your husband feel special is to make him feel physically attractive. Let me know that you only have eyes for him - that he is the best-looking, most attractive man in the room and in your life. You wouldn't believe how close he will feel to you if you do!
5 - Show Him the Lighter Side of Life
Like women, men love to be around someone who is positive and upbeat. While you do not need to be cracking jokes every 10 minutes to accomplish this, your man will pick up on your positive vibe and send more warm feelings your way.
6 - Find Common Interests
Your husband will feel special if you can find common interests with him. If you can find a way to become more interested in his hobbies, you are guaranteed to make him feel like a million bucks. Your husband will feel more special and validated if you show interest in what he already loves to do.
These are just 6 of the ideas I have found to help rekindle the spark in my relationship with my husband. To be honest, I did not come up with these ideas myself. Rather, I learned them from a top relationship guru who has helped thousands of other women like me.
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Many wives have to deal with husbands who fall out of love, and you may be one of them. What should you do when things reach such a state? With the popularity that divorce has gained over the years, it is very easy to start contemplating taking that step. You are bound to be hurt greatly when your husband tells you that he no longer loves you. However, you should not just resign yourself to witnessing the end of your relationship helplessly.
There are some helpful steps that you should take if your husband falls out of love. You can rekindle his passion towards you, and bring back the sparkle in your marriage.
Determine the ways in which you have personally changed
You should realize that change is inevitable in life, and both you and your husband are not immune to change. However, you should bear in mind the fact that your husband was certainly deeply in love with you at some time in the past.
Before you start accusing him of how much he has changed, you should determine how you have personally changed over time. Try to figure out the things that used to make him go crazy for you. Have you stopped doing these things for one reason or another?
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Make him feel like your partner
After walking down the aisle, many people soon get into the daily routine of marriage. If this goes on for a while, you may realize that you and your husband have turned into more of room mates than partners.
You should take definite steps to make your husband feel like the partner that he is. Make him feel special by focusing on him. If he senses that you seem to be more interested in others, even your kids, he will feel left out and begin to fall out of love with you.
Try to think of how you used to enjoy each others company during your honeymoon. Although you certainly have other responsibilities now, you should still dedicate some time apart just for the two of you. You may take time away from distractions at least once a week in order to strengthen the connection between you. You may even plan another honeymoon!
If you notice that your husband is starting to fall out of love, you should take measures to make him realize how special he is to you.
Have a positive attitude
Negativity is a good killer of affection. You should therefore strive to be more positive with your husband. While it is true that you will experience some frustration, don't take them out on your husband. If you want him to be happy when you are around, you should be more positive.
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Sometimes we have to do what is right rather than what feels good. If we only do what feels good and what we want, we're not going to be very popular with others, especially the person we married. This kind of marriage will be heading straight for divorce court, won't it? Some of the wrong attitudes we have, and how they can lead us to sinfulness is carried out in our actions, which can cause problems in our relationships.
Wrong thinking and negative feelings plague many couples today. But they can change this negative thinking pattern by becoming mentally and spiritually healthy through God's message of love. I have never yet heard of anyone becoming healed spiritually, mentally and emotionally that didn't seek out God's message. Some things we cannot achieve on our own. People think they have the will power to stop sin on their own, without the power of God's will for their lives, but this just isn't so. If it were, why is there so much sin in the world?
We need God! And we need God's Love. Face it, we are powerless to grasp the concept of God's plan for our lives, or to become all that we were meant to be without the source of the Master Designer in our lives. We can say we believe but without actually acting on those beliefs it means nothing.
Through our own efforts and willingness to seek out what's right for our marriage, we will find that it is a much better way to live, and also where we will find peace and happiness. The greatest part about it is we feel better about who we are as people by choosing what is right, and when all is said and done, we end up feeling good when we do choose what is right rather than what feels good.
So what is right? What's right is most likely what we don't want to do, but yet we do it anyway because our conscience steers us in that direction. What is right may not feel good to the newbie who is fresh in the Lord, but eventually doing what is right becomes a habit of nature, and this is how you know that you have won over the destructive and negative imbalances in your life.
What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?
To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!
Does this mean you will never have a negative day, or use destructive emotions? No way! It only means that now you know how to apply the resources available that before were hidden. Meaning, if we keep God's word hidden, it remains out of our mind. Out of sight out of mind. What is not in our heart, we do not apply into our life's circumstances and issues.
Many couples carry around wrong attitudes about each other in marriage and they don't even know it. Negative emotions, drunkenness, addictions, sexual sins, immoral behavior, self-righteousness, and selfishness all stem from a destructive attitude. None of these things are right and all of them carry the feel good attitude about them. The thing is, we have choices. We can continue abusing these destructive things in our marriage and life or we can choose to do what is right.
Destructive attitudes breed destructive actions. Our attitude becomes destructive when we don't allow Gods goodness to permeate our heart and mind. Instead we have made it a habit to live in the damaging influence of our negative emotions. I encourage you, if you have not yet done so, to turn your negative attitude into a positive one through God's message of love. Once you grasp at the concept of God's love for you that is when your mind begins to heal itself and your negative attitude transforms into a loving, positive one. This is what heals marriage. You must heal yourself first, before marriage can be restored.
Without the Spirit of Christ's magnificent plan in our life we seem to wallow in the negativity in life, and bury the positive with the word of God. I know this first hand, because I have lived in the destruction of my negative and rebellious attitude, and it is not good. It was only when I accepted God (Love) for my life that I was able to forgive myself and start living my life in a productive way rather than in a destructive way.
If we remain cloudy in our minds, living within our destructive emotions, we do not even know the beauty of anything else. We divorce, remarry, divorce, remarry, become addicted, hate ourselves, hate others, become sexually promiscuous, and live our life in all the splendor of immorality because of never knowing the beauty of another way of living. What kind of a life is that?
God is love! Love is everything wonderful and beautiful. It is that straightforward. The difficult task for most people is once they have that love, they don't know how to maintain it. God's word needs maintenance. You have to water and feed it daily. You have to weed it several times a day, and once a week you need to prune the dead branches. You have to act on your beliefs!
Guess what? Most people don't do the maintenance, and they are unable to preserve God's love and direction for them, especially under trials and tribulations. It gets snatched away from them because it is weighed down by destructive attitude and negative emotions.
Through the reading of God's message and living the good life that was meant for you to live by, the spiritual mind overcomes destructive attitudes to such a degree, that righteousness finds itself playing tug of war with destruction and eventually destruction finds itself in the mud.
I encourage you to seek the light and the truth of God for your life, and pay attention to His message of love. Water that love and self-healing will begin to take place and God's Love will shine through in the person you are. You will have grown into a beautiful and loving person filled with patience, hope, acceptance, and understanding for the person you married, and for all others in your life.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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