The Magic Of 'The Gap'

In my role as a life coach and business psychologist, I often find myself discussing with clients a special place that is little-known in our culture and seldom gets written about. It is a place that modern consciousness has all but forgotten. And yet it is a place where dreams can begin to become reality, where crises can start to evaporate and where pain and suffering can loosen their vice-like grip.

Every day we are all given opportunities to benefit from this magical space, a place that I like to call the gap. In our breathing it is the space between out-breath and in-breath. In daily life it is the no-mans land between events – the place where panic can take hold and hasty decisions get taken, rash words get said. The place where we have forgotten to rest. It is the gap. It’s magic. It can seem frightening. It’s unknown.

Think about your breathing for a moment. You breathe out and then what happens? Well, for a few moments nothing necessarily. Eventually of course you breathe in again, but it is not instant. You can rest in this place of infinite possibilities for a few milliseconds more if you dare. Do you dare?

In daily life too the gap exists. You may recognise it in that space between two activities. The space where you don’t quite know what to do, where there seems to be too little time to do anything productive. The space where you often pause in minutes of doubt and uncertainty about priorities. The space where you make a quick phone call, or hurry a bit of tidying up or food preparation. The space where you rush off an email, or quickly fix that broken plug.

And yet would we all do those things if we were really aware of the magic of the gap? Would we really rush into doing anything in those precious daily moments if we knew that, in just allowing ourselves to rest in silence during those moments – even for just a few seconds – we were potentially sowing the seeds of future miracles? For that is what the gap is. Fertile ground just waiting to be planted.

We are all given the opportunity to experience the magic of the gap. Not just once, not even twice or three times, but countless times every day. But in the same way that many of us would panic if we were told to rest for a moment before taking the next in-breath, so many of us panic when we are given the space between what we have done and what we will do.

Try this simple approach. First, spend a couple of minutes observing your breathing. Notice the breath that comes in, the breath that goes out and the gap that follows in between. Don’t try to hurry the gap. Don’t try to lengthen the gap. Just notice the existence of it. And be aware that it plays just as important a role as the breath that comes before it and the breath that comes after it. And repeat this daily for a couple of weeks so that you become fully aware that the gap exists. And that it doesn’t scare you – and that it is o.k.

Over the same period, the next couple of weeks but starting with today, observe yourself in the gap during your daily life. Become aware of allowing a natural space to exist between activities without having to force another action in-between to fill the space. Just try being in the moment, in the magic, in the gap.

I was consulting with a businessman earlier this year. He had just been made redundant and was talking to me about his repeating pattern of always getting into debt and feeling poor. He had secured a good redundancy package and was fearful that his old pattern of moving one space forward then two spaces back (his terminology, not mine) would soon see him frittering away his redundancy pay-off.

I asked him to consider a simple, but for him, fairly radical and challenging new approach with this money. I asked him just to hold still for a while with this money in the bank. I asked him to start feeling what it was like to have thousands in the bank –without actually doing anything with it. I wanted him to feel what it was like to have money, to be wealthy, just for a short while at least. I wanted him to rest in the gap between getting the money and spending it – so that he could begin to feel the magic and power of his present moment situation.

I asked him to resist making any major decisions on expenditure for just one month. He was very disciplined and within a couple of days of giving himself permission not to make any major financial outlays he started to feel different. He started to feel wealthier than he had ever done in his life; he started to feel more powerful and this of course helped him to feel more confident.

Within a couple of months contract work had started coming to him on a freelance basis. In fact he soon received an abundance of contract offers. His original fear of ‘how will I get another job’, was soon being usurped by the somewhat nicer problem of having to be selective about what jobs to accept. It was as if by resting in the gap between receiving and spending, by giving himself time to feel what it was like to be ‘in the money’, he achieved a whole new level of clarity and confidence. And this confidence was clearly making its mark on the people with whom he was coming into contact.

Several months on and he has a full diary. His bank account is very healthy and what he learnt from resting in the gap for a while he has integrated into other areas of his life. He no longer rushes into making personal or business decisions, he allows them to become clear; he doesn’t try to hurry a contract – he allows it to develop at its own speed; if a problem is thrown up by a meeting, email or phone call, he doesn’t respond to it immediately – he always gives himself time to allow the information to filter through and for clear action to surface; and he certainly no longer rushes into spending his money – but when he does spend it he thoroughly enjoys the consequences!

Check-list:-
1) Focus on your breathing. Become aware of the gap that exists between the in-breath and the out-breath. See what comes up for you in this space.
2) Next time a problem occurs - unless of course it is a health crisis that needs urgent attention – try to give yourself permission not to react immediately. Let us say it is a relationship problem for instance – give yourself time to reflect and consider your response before diving in with action or an answer. You’ll be amazed how things can become clearer given a little time and a good night’s sleep. Very few problems need to be sorted immediately.
3) Learn to give yourself permission to rest in between jobs – even if it is just for five minutes.
4) Don’t dive into important jobs if your head is feeling ‘busy’.Take yourself out for some fresh air, go for a swim – take a break. When you come back to do the job you’ll do it much more effectively and efficiently.