Responsibility Does Not Mean Blame

I will say it again: responsibility does not mean blame.

Having begun immersing myself in personal development three years ago, a painful recurring theme - and one of the biggest bumps in the road I came across - was this idea of being "responsible" for everything in my life. Whether it was to do with beliefs, thoughts, actions, finances or simply the way things were going, many motivational speakers insisted that I (as a person) had everything to do with it.

"Wait a minute," I asked myself when I first heard what I'd interpreted as an accusation. "What did I do?"

Well, I eventually discovered that it's not so much about what you did, but what you subconsciously took in as a belief.

While some people are fortunate enough to go through life with positive messages being reinforced, most of us have had some negativity instilled in our minds: limiting beliefs that hold us back. If we hear them enough times, to paraphrase Brian Tracy: our subconscious mind accepts these limiting beliefs, and they eventually become true for you.

Even the most powerful and successful people in the world have had negative beliefs, but they were able to overcome them. Some people aren't even aware of having them them, and less so of their effects. Worse still, some people know they have them, but have no idea how to change the way they think.

I don't believe that anybody deliberately chooses or sets out to be negative. If they respond negatively to a situation, it's the result of an underlying, unresolved limiting belief.

Yet when I hear a speaker talking about taking responsibility for your life, it's as if anybody else who was involved had been exonerated. You hear them say things like, "you're doing it to yourself", "nobody else but you", "it's not them, it's you" and many other like statements.
Depending on the situation, these (to some people, including myself), can be translated as a personal attack. Instead of helping, they reinforce more negativity.

It has taken me years to realise the difference between taking responsibility and taking the blame, which was extremely important. Most people suggest blaming yourself for what happens, which is a view I do not support.

You've probably heard that the word responsibility is formed of two words: response and ability. Responsibility simply means "the ability to respond". When you take responsibility for something, you are taking control. You are asserting your ability to handle whatever is thrown at you, by choosing how you will respond.

On the other hand, blame is counterproductive. Blame takes control away from you; it serves no other purpose than to make people feel bad, and in most cases hands control over your life to something or someone else.

If you have a negative belief, I encourage you not to blame yourself for having it - and the catch is that you mustn't blame anyone else either, even if you feel they're responsible. Blaming will not improve or resolve the situation.

Instead, whether you believe that you can or can't, we must aim to take responsibility: all that means is that we address the fact that something is wrong, and respond to it with action.