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Dave Shields
Dave Shields is The Official SelfGrowth.com Guide to "Relationship Advice". You can find complete information on Dave Shields and his products by visiting Kenosis Center.

SelfGrowth.com Recommended Articles:

Marriage Therapy: 8 Signs You Should See a Marriage Counselor - Dave Turo-Shields
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  • ***"How Can I Get Him To Stop Hurting Me?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on May 24, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Are you aware of the system you have created with your partner that may be causing you pain? ________________________________________ I have worked with couples for 44 years, and one thing I can tell you for sure: relationships are a system, and each ...
    Views: 1333
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  • ***"How Can I Let Love In?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jul 26, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    Do you want to share love, but find yourself pulling away or pushing others away? Do you find yourself wanting love but being afraid to really open to it? This is the situation Marley finds herself in: "How can I do a better job of letting love in and sharing love? I seem to ...
    Views: 1544
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  • ***"How Can I Manage Overwhelm?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Oct 18, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Do you often feel overwhelmed with demands, tasks and life in general? ________________________________________ Most of us lead very busy lives and it is easy to become overwhelmed with all we need to do. In addition, about 15% to 20% of us are born ...
    Views: 1339
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  • ***"How Can I Not Get Hurt By Others' Judgments?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Sep 20, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Do you have a misconception about what it means to be a strong and emotionally healthy person? ________________________________________ Do you have an expectation that if you were emotionally healthy, you would not feel hurt in the face of others' ...
    Views: 1528
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  • ***"How Do I Deal With My Critical Mother?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on May 17, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Dealing with critical people, especially a parent, is a challenge for all of us. Here are some options for dealing with a critical mother. ________________________________________ Having a critical mother is a big challenge. I know, because I grew up ...
    Views: 1363
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  • ***"How Do I Know When The Issue Is Mine?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jan 05, 2016 from Margaret Paul
    Margaret Paul, Ph.D. January 04, 2016 Do you sometimes get confused regarding whether a relationship issue is about you, about your partner, or about both of you? Alexa asked me the following question: "How do you know when you are self-abandoning and being needy versus setting off ...
    Views: 1639
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  • ***"I Don't Know How To Give Her What She Wants From Me." - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jan 18, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Do you sometimes feel like you try to give your partner the connection he or she wants and can't figure out how? ________________________________________ I was having a Skype session with Andrea and Lawrence. Married for 18 years with two teen-age ...
    Views: 1539
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  • ***"I Lose My Cool In Relationships." - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jun 20, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Do you find that as soon as you really like someone – whether as a friend or as a partner – you 'lose your cool?' ________________________________________ Relationships offer us more opportunities for personal growth than just about anything else in ...
    Views: 1299
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  • ***"I Lose Myself Around Others" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jul 26, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    Have you wondered why you are often able to take loving care of yourself when you are alone but you lose yourself in relationships? Discover the answer now! Do you find that you take loving care of yourself when you are alone, but that you lose yourself with someone you are ...
    Views: 1633
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  • ***"I Want To Open But I'm Scared of Getting Hurt." - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Aug 28, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    Are you afraid to open your heart to love, for fear of getting hurt? Learn how to lovingly manage the hurt. Is it possible to fully love without getting hurt? The answer is unequivocally NO! Is this because love hurts? Again, the answer is NO! It is not love that hurts. It's ...
    Views: 1412
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  • ***"I'm Not Important Enough To Want To Love Myself - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Apr 28, 2015 from Margaret Paul
    Discover what to do if you are stuck not being able to love yourself. When you were growing up, did you feel important to your parents? Did they attend to you in loving ways to show you how important you were to them? Or, did you often feel like a bother or a burden to them? Did either of ...
    Views: 1537
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  • ***"If I Move Into My Power, Will I End Up Alone?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Mar 07, 2014 from Margaret Paul
    Do you have the common false belief that the better you feel about yourself, the more alone you will be? Yolanda asks: "What is coming up for me is -- if I completely move out of self-judgment and fully take the responsibility to actualize the deepest yearnings of my Soul, I ...
    Views: 1167
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  • ***"Is There Hope For Our Relationship?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Feb 28, 2014 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Discover what you can do to give your relationship a chance. ________________________________________ Lauren asks: "I have been married for 12 years, our marriage has always been a struggle of various forms. I have gotten to feel so empty and ...
    Views: 1197
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  • ***"It's Not Fair!" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jan 18, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Do you continue to believe, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, that life should be fair? Discover a new way of looking at fairness. ________________________________________ "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good ...
    Views: 1405
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  • ***"My Wife Won't Have Sex With Me " - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Aug 28, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    Is sex mostly gone out of your relationship? There are always good reasons for this. Do you identify with Lawrence, whose wife won't have sex with him? In my work with individuals and couples, I often hear this complaint. Lawrence asks: "Would you please address how one deals ...
    Views: 2009
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  • ***"No One Appreciates Me" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jun 30, 2011 from Margaret Paul
    Have you ever hear yourself say, or said to yourself, "No one appreciates me."I used to say this to myself all the time. I was constantly giving myself up to please others, and then ended up feeling completely unappreciated and resentful - until I learned how to take loving care of ...
    Views: 2544
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  • ***"When Someone's Behavior Affects Me, What Can I Do?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D
    Submitted on Apr 15, 2015 from Margaret Paul
    When someone's behavior is affecting you, what can you do, other than blame them? We Are Not Separate Some authors suggest that, when we are healthy enough, we will not be affected by others' unloving verbal behavior. We will rise above it and not take their words personally – that "Sticks ...
    Views: 1919
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  • ***"Why Didn't God Stop The Abuse?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Nov 27, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    Have you ever wondered why God allows so much abuse, so much pain, so much war? "God has no hands but these." - Mother Theresa I am often asked by my clients, "If God is all powerful, why didn't he stop my father (or mother, or brother, or babysitter, or uncle ...
    Views: 1661
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  • ***"Why Do I Feel Shame When I'm Being Blamed?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Oct 18, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ______________________________________ What's really happening when someone blames and shames you? If you stopped taking it personally, what would you be feeling? ________________________________________ What do you generally do when someone blames you for his or her feelings? Do you find ...
    Views: 1498
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  • ***"Why Do I Seem to Attract Rejection?" - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Sep 20, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Are you perplexed regarding why you so often feel rejected by others? ________________________________________ Alana asked me the following question: "My whole life I have felt that I don't fit in with others - in my family, school, work - and ...
    Views: 1356
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  • ******Filling Up Emptiness From The Inside - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Feb 21, 2014 from Margaret Paul
    For many people, inner emptiness is a big problem. They believe that they can fill their emptiness from the outside, which is a false belief. The cause of inner emptiness is a lack of a loving connection with your inner child - your essence, your true Self, your Being, which then results in ...
    Views: 1219
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  • ****Five Love Tips to Save a Rich Partner, Poor Partner Relationship - by Dr Diana Kirschner, The Official Guide to Dating
    Submitted on Sep 26, 2008 from Dr. Diana Kirschner
    In some couples the partners have very different finances because one comes from a wealthy family and/or earns much more than the other. They may also have differences in their understanding of finance, budgets, cash flow, or the importance of saving, investing and planning for the future. ...
    Views: 1586
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  • ***8 Ways to Prevent Turning to Mush around Single Men - by Bobbi Blum Palmer
    Submitted on Jul 14, 2011 from Bobbi Palmer
    I've heard the same thing from so many women this week that I had to ask you if this sounds familiar: "I'm generally a very friendly, confident gal...unless I'm in the company of a single man—especially one I'm attracted to. In that case I turn into mush." Why is it that when we meet or ...
    Views: 2498
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  • ***Addiction to Convenience - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D
    Submitted on Sep 23, 2015 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Is convenience bringing you fulfillment and joy? ________________________________________ How did we get so deeply into instant gratification? How did we get so far away from receiving satisfaction from doing things that take some time? A good ...
    Views: 1626
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  • ***Addiction To Getting Things Done - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Feb 22, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    Discover when getting things done is healthy, and when it is unhealthy and obsessive. There are many addictive ways that most of us have learned to avoid our painful feelings, and focusing on getting things done is often one of these ways. It's not that there is anything wrong with ...
    Views: 1729
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  • ***Almost Smart Cookie Tips: Falling for Falling in Love Traps - by Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, Ed.D., The Official Guide To Family
    Submitted on May 19, 2009 from LB Wish
    My research on strong women's relationship problems revealed that over 40% of women liked lots of excitement in their relationships. They were drawn to men who offered a high-energy life style. Typical dates included private jets to the latest event, hobnobbing with the rich and famous and ...
    Views: 1257
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  • ***Anger And Other Forms of Control - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Mar 03, 2015 from Margaret Paul
    If you grew up in a family where one or both parents used anger to control you, then anger likely plays a role in your life now. Did you grow up with anger in your household? Did one or both of your parents use anger as a way to keep you in line and have control over you? How did you ...
    Views: 1754
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  • ***Are You a Real Friend? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Dec 13, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Do you have good friends? Are you a good friend – both with yourself and with others? ________________________________________ "A real friend is one who helps us to think our noblest thoughts, put forth our best efforts, and be our best selves." ...
    Views: 1339
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  • ***Are You a Trash Can for Others' Negativity? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jul 19, 2016 from Margaret Paul
    By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. July 11, 2016 Do you allow others to dump their negativity - their complaints, judgments, anger, self-centeredness and sense of entitlement - onto you? Carmen, a client of mine, told me at the end of one of her sessions, "I'm no longer willing to be a trash can ...
    Views: 1230
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  • ***Are You Abandoning Yourself? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Aug 24, 2012 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Do you believe that feelings of abandonment are coming from others abandoning you - or do they come from self-abandonment? ________________________________________ When we think about abandonment, we generally think about being left by someone. But ...
    Views: 1960
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  • ***Are You Addicted to Complaining As A Form of Control? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Apr 11, 2016 from Margaret Paul
    By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. April 11, 2016 ________________________________________ Why do people complain? What is it they want or hope for when they complain? In this article, discover the answers to these questions, as well as what to do about it if you are addicted to complaining. ...
    Views: 1696
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  • ***Are You Addicted to the Internet? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Nov 01, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Do you get addictively stuck on the Internet and can't seem to find your way out? ________________________________________ Our society provides many ways we can avoid our feelings addictively. Many people today are addicted to being on the Internet ...
    Views: 1344
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  • ***Are You Confused About Boundaries in Relationships? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Mar 18, 2014 from Margaret Paul
    Many people confuse boundaries - which are a way of taking loving care of yourself – with controlling behavior toward others. Marilee told me in one of our early phone sessions: "I set a boundary. I told him that he couldn't speak to me that way any more." Jackson said to ...
    Views: 1385
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  • ***Are You Eating Pink Slime? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jun 20, 2012 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Are you putting 'pink slime' in your body without knowing it? ________________________________________ ABC news did a story about ‘pink slime’—an additive that is in 70% of the meat in super markets. See: ...
    Views: 2360
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  • ***Are You Forgetting Your Guidance? - by Dr. Margaret Paul
    Submitted on Oct 27, 2015 from Margaret Paul
    ______________________________________________________ Are you a person who has experienced being tuned into your spiritual Guidance, yet you frequently forget to check in, especially in times of anxiety and stress?_______________________________________________________ Gerald was raised ...
    Views: 928
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  • ***Are You Hard On Yourself? 9 Reasons to Love Yourself Instead - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jan 31, 2014 from Margaret Paul
    If you are hard on yourself, do you believe that this is helpful to you? You might want to re-evaluate this false belief. Are you hard on yourself? Do you think this is a good thing? Do you believe this motivates you to do better? Think again. If you are doing well, it's likely in ...
    Views: 1242
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  • ***Are You Hiding? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Feb 14, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    Do you hide from your feelings when you are challenged by life? Or do you allow your feelings to overwhelm you? You CAN learn to manage them and learn from them. "The art of living lies not in eliminating but in growing with troubles." ~ Bernard M. Baruch "How ...
    Views: 1531
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  • ***Are You Playing Too Small? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on May 16, 2014 from Margaret Paul
    Are you limiting your life – allowing fear to stop you from doing what brings you joy? "There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." ~Nelson Mandela Do you feel passionate about your ...
    Views: 1336
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  • ***Are You Relationship-Avoidant? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jan 10, 2014 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Do you believe that you want a relationship but never seem to find the 'right one?' ________________________________________ Most people say they want to be in a relationship, yet they consistently do things that keep them from achieving this. If you ...
    Views: 1238
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  • ***Are You Selling Your Soul? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Mar 24, 2015 from Margaret Paul
    You might not think you are selling your soul, but is this true? What have you given up for money and possessions? Have you given up kindness to get ahead? Have you given up family time for a bigger TV? Have you given up fun for a new car? Have you given up hobbies for a ...
    Views: 1619
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  • ***Are You Stuck in One-Way Relationships - by Margaret Paul
    Submitted on Nov 13, 2014 from Margaret Paul
    Do you sometimes feel trapped with some who wants to be listened to but doesn't want to listen to you? ________________________________________ One of the common complaints I hear from my clients is that they listen well but they end up just listening and never being heard. This is the ...
    Views: 1174
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  • ***Authenticity, Transparency and Integrity - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Apr 23, 2012 from Margaret Paul
    Do you know how to discern when someone is being transparent and authentic and when they are being duplicitous? We seem to be living in a time when authenticity and transparency are not highly valued. We have only to look at government and many government agencies such as the FDA, politics, ...
    Views: 2329
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  • ***Being in Love: Realistic love can last forever - by Dr. Randy Wysong, the Official Guide to Life Lessons
    Submitted on Jan 13, 2009 from Randy Wysong
    As children we are weaned on Cinderella and acculturated by an endless parade of romantic fantasies in novels, television and movies. It would be easy to assume that if we are not madly in love there is something wrong with us. The euphoria of being in love is like an hourglass, with the heart ...
    Views: 4657
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  • ***Breaking Down or Breaking Open - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jul 27, 2012 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Breaking down keeps you stuck, while breaking open allows you to discover the power within yourself. ________________________________________ "Something I didn't want to happen, happens. I feel the resistance build within. I feel the pressure to ...
    Views: 2541
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  • ***Burned by Coffee or Burned by Heartbreak - They Feel the Same - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Aug 25, 2011 from Margaret Paul
    "Science has finally confirmed what anyone who's ever been in love already knows: Heartbreak really does hurt." www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/28/burn.heartbreak.same.to.brain/index.html"In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain ...
    Views: 2423
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  • ***Can I Change A Narcissist? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jun 14, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    ________________________________________ Sometimes we are clueless regarding the subtle ways we are trying to control, while being very aware of a partner's controlling behavior. ________________________________________ Tara asked me the following question: "Dear Dr. Paul, How do you ...
    Views: 1399
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  • ***Can We Run Out Of Love? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jun 20, 2014 from Margaret Paul
    Is your experience of love that it is scarce and limited? "Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Love never decreases by being shared. ~Chinese Proverb There seems to be a myth that love is scarce – that ...
    Views: 2489
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  • ***Can You Love Others? - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on May 17, 2012 from Margaret Paul
    What is loving to yourself and others is not always clear. This article presents some important questions to consider. "Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you." Wayne Dyer, Author ...
    Views: 1730
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  • ***Challenges of The Dating Scene - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Apr 05, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    Dating provides many opportunities to learn and grow. Discover some of what you can learn that will be very valuable for you. Franklin writes: "I am a 68 year old male who was married for 27 years and now divorced 15 years. I have fallen in love with a woman after only three ...
    Views: 1391
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  • ***Change Your Life With This Simple Act - by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
    Submitted on Jul 19, 2013 from Margaret Paul
    Do you understand the power of kindness to change your life? "Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same ...
    Views: 1574
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