How to Gain Self Confidence – Part 2

In part 1 I explored the definition of confidence via the Oxford dictionary and honed it down to be about belief and feeling. I also highlighted that feelings are pointers to the fact THAT we think and not personal to us. You can catch up with the first episode here

So in part 2 we are going to be looking at the fact that confidence is innate. Now for some people that might sound like a very bold statement and I guess that it is if you don’t understand the simple principles that underlie the operating system of the human mind.

To others it might sound really obvious and true. And then to others it might sound really hopeful – I mean if confidence is innate then that means I don’t have to go out and get it, right?

Well, yes, that’s true. There is nothing to go out and get, or create or work on.

The sun and the clouds

Allow me share an age old metaphor, one of my favourites, the sun and the clouds; the sun is always there for us even when we can’t see it or feel it’s warmth. We know that it’s there, it’s a fact. The only reason we can’t see it or feel it is because it is covered up by clouds.

This is exactly the same for us with confidence. It is there for us all the time but for the thoughts that we have that hide it from us (the clouds). If you think about a baby learning to walk, she doesn’t worry about whether she has enough confidence to take a step, she just does it, and when she falls, she gets back up again and tries again. No thought clouds getting in the way for her.

This thing we have called confidence is truly innate

In fact, as I write about it here I wonder if it’s even a “thing”. It feels very much like we have packaged up this “thing” we feel is missing when things aren’t going our way or we find ourselves not being able to take action on something and say it’s because of a lack of this “thing”. I will leave you to ponder on that one!

Confidence is our default setting

Going back to the innateness of confidence – it is ours by birthright – it is our default setting. How wonderful is that? It means that we can never lose it and once our thinking settles down and we allow ourselves to experience our natural (default) state, confidence naturally arises.

Imagine a snow globe. Once we stop shaking it and allow the snow to settle, we experience the clarity of the scene. This is just the same for us mentally and emotionally. Once we allow the thoughts about lack of confidence to settle or even the noticing of them as thoughts, as if by magic, we return to our natural state which includes that feeling of confidence.

So if we are looking outside of ourselves to gain more confidence, then we are definitely looking in the wrong direction. Yes, doing something over and over again ie, practise, allows us to feel more confident, but what is actually happening is that we are having different types of thoughts about the thing we are practising and therefore different feelings as explained in part 1.

Have you ever spent an amount of time looking for your sunglasses only to remember they are on top of your head or hanging around your neck? I know I have! This is just the same as looking for confidence all around you only to realize you had it all along if only you remembered that fact.

If this doesn’t sound feasible then I ask you to experiment for a moment or two. What would happen if I asked you to drop all your beliefs and judgments about yourself and anyone or anything else, what’s left? Go on, give it a go just for a moment. What’s left when there is no judgment and no belief?

That’s the neutral ground or our innate health – nothing can touch this or affect it in any way. This is where you can experience the confidence (if it exists) that is your birthright.

The only thing stopping us feeling confident is the thinking we have that says any different and a new thought is possible at any given moment.

For example, I used to have the thought that I hated the gym and then one day last year, I had the new thought “maybe it’s time to start the gym. I’ll just go and check out the local one and see how I feel about it.” So off I trotted, liked the feel of it and the lady who runs it and found myself signing up as a member. This was huge for me since I had hated the idea of going to the gym for years, and now I love it!

What changed?

I had a new fresh thought. It changed my experience totally. This is available to us as human beings all the time. All the time. No exceptions. Anyone is capable of having a fresh new thought at any time and that means experience can change at any time including the fact that we may not feel confident.

So, the bottom line is that this thing called confidence is innate and is our default setting. The only thing stopping us feeling it is when we forget the fact THAT we think and so buy into any and all thoughts, beliefs and judgment.

If something resonates with you here and you would like to explore this thing called confidence, please drop me a line at Sheela@sheelamasand.com and we can have a chat about it – complimentary of course!