How many times have you seen someone you were attracted to and didn't say or do anything, then regretted it later, knowing the odds of running into that person again were next to impossible? What could you have done to meet him?
Something happened to me last week at the market and I thought I would share it as an example of possibilities.
I was at the market and there was a very attractive man at the bread counter with me. He had a nice smile, nice body, blond hair, relaxed, and he was obviously comfortable with himself. We exchanged smiles.
I got in the checkout line and he got in line behind me. He saw my tofu and tempeh and asked if I was a vegetarian. We had a fun conversation as I explained that I used to be and why I no longer am. After I paid for my groceries, I left. There seemed to be obvious interest on his part. I, however, was not open to him, because I'm in a very happy relationship. He, no doubt, sensed no invitation to pursue. If I had been available, I would have kept the conversation going, and, if he didn't ask first, I would have said something like, "This was fun; would you like to have coffee sometime?" A little scary, but hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
The next part is where it gets the most difficult. Because we're taught to be polite and aren't good at being direct and honest, most people would say "sure," if they were not in a relationship, and either take my number or give me theirs. The trick is to watch the reaction to see if they're really being honest. This takes practice. If it's a little questionable, then don't count on the return phone call.
I don’t recommend that you call him because you’ve already kind of taken on a bit of the man’s role by bringing up the subject of coffee. If he says you can call him, tell him that it was hard enough to ask for coffee, that you would feel too pushy to call him. You want things back where the dance of man/woman energy is most fun. If he insists, make a joke and tell him you were taught as a girl not to call boys. Just play and flirt until he says he’ll call you. If he’s being polite you’ll probably feel his lack of interest. It’s best to let go of any expectations.
All too often, we make something out of a first meeting and then feel badly when it doesn't happen. We must learn to keep trying and be more resilient. Remember, Babe Ruth was the home run king, but he was also the strike-out king. Keep trying because something's bound to hit.
Kara Oh, with an international following, has been helping men and women create more satisfying relationships for almost twenty years. She has traveled the country extensively speaking on the topic of understanding men and the secrets to more fulfilling relationships. She has been featured in numerous national women’s magazines, such as Cosmopolitan and Women’s World, and has been a guest on hundreds of radio and TV shows across the country. She teaches live workshops and seminars and does private, one-on-one consulting when a client is looking for more rapid and life-altering assistance.
Kara’s first book is best-selling Men Made Easy, available here and on Amazon.com. She also wrote Marriage Made Easy and Women Made Easy. She is also a contributing author of 101 great Ways To Improve Your Life, Vol. 2, along with Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, John Gray, Bob Proctor and Alan Cohen.