Feeling your partner start to pull away and distance from you is one of the worst feelings in the world. You try to reconnect and rekindle closeness but the two of you seem to be drifting even further apart.
If you find your partner is more distant than you'd like, turn the situation upside down for a moment. Is it possible you're creating this? Are you someone that likes to have control and has high expectations? Are you strong and competent on the outside and a bit needy on the inside? If this sounds like you, perhaps you're using distance to protect yourself. Control can make it difficult to get really close to the one you love. You've spent so much time building walls around your heart that it almost feels dangerous on an emotional level to get too close.
Awareness is key in creating the changes you desire, such as the ability to love without losing yourself. You may have to go slower than others to create a shared life that feels secure and solid with your partner. Honor who you are and the process that fits for you and your life. Hold on to the things you need in order to feel good. This will require maintaining a passionate and purposeful life outside of your partner. Without a strong foundation and a wellspring of self love, partner love threatens to push your interests, hobbies and friends out of the picture through the choices you make. In many cases, you are actually all too willing to trade your life in for what appears to be a sleeker more exciting version. This is always a very risky choice and most come to regret having made the decision to give up everything for love.
A life that is beautiful and compelling is the antidote to merging so far into your relationship that you slowly become just a shadow of your true self. Committing to self love makes relationships with a partner so much easier. It is impossible to marry another happily until you've learned to be your own best friend and lover. You can only love someone else as much as you love yourself.
So hold tight to all the things you need to feel good. Depending on where you are in your life you might not even know what makes you happy. It's never too late to get started! Experiences and pastimes that engage your spirit will always be your greatest source of love. Continuing to lead a fabulous life of your own while learning to say no to the partner you love when necessary is what you need to be able to do if you want to maintain a strong and happy relationship.
Move slowly in starting to reintegrate your love. Integrate slowly and gain a comfort level each step of the way before moving forward. Protect your security in terms of money, support from family and friends, health and sense of self along the way. Don't give up your dreams! You will get there. This time it will be without having to give everything away and with the knowledge that you are loved as is.
Susan Blackburn is a Relationship Coach, Author of 'The Power of Feminine Grace' and Founder of Practical with Heart, an integrative mind, body, soul approach to relationships that balances the logical strengths of the mind with the intuitive gifts of the heart.