I often write about saving or rescuing marriages in trouble, so sometimes I'm asked to provide the warning signs for wives who suspect that their husband is planning on leaving or filing for divorce. Of course, the warning signs will be slightly different for every couple, but I've found that there are many common or universal signs, which I will discuss below. However, I would also like to stress that if you feel that something is "off" (enough so that you've taken the time to research this), then I would suggest that you trust your instincts, as it's better to take preventative measures than to sit and wait for the shoe to drop because by then a lot of damage could already be done and you'll likely have a lot of ground to make up.
Warning Sign Number One: Awkward Silences And Tense Interactions: Probably the first tip-off that something is amiss is just that feeling that something is "off" which precedes a lack of intimacy. Perhaps before you and your husband could talk for hours nonstop, but now you're finding silence when you are together. And it's not the "comfortable silence" where you're just relaxing and picking up each other's thoughts. No, it's the awkward silence where someone should say something, but no one knows what to say. Many couples will attempt to fill these lapses with meaningless small talk. Alternatively, you may find that although you're not fiercely fighting and then making up, things are just tense and supercharged.
Often in these situations, I hear women say things like: "it's like I can do nothing right. If I'm loving, he rejects me. If I stand back and wait for him to initiate affection, then I'm waiting forever, because he doesn't do it. It's like I may as well not even be there." Another example is "we've become roommates or like brother and sister. We talk about the kids or our jobs but nothing else."
The Spark Is Gone: It's probably overreaching to say that everything in a marriage revolves around sex. Sex is really just a symptom or a by-product of intimacy and closeness. Couples who share a close bond in a harmonious home find that this "being in sync" often comes out through physical affection which in turn fuels the closeness and intimacy. It's a nice cycle that continues to perpetuate the positive feelings and interactions. This is what we all strive for, because when a couple is "in love," both parties are seeing the marriage through rose-colored glasses so that when issues or problems emerge, they are dealt with and fixed quickly. If you are not in the place, you need to get there, because husbands who feel a close bond with their wives rarely plan to leave as they are too busy experiences positive feelings and closeness and they have no desire to change this.
He's Distant, Detached, Closed Off, And Doesn't Want To Discuss Your Marriage: Often when women ask me for "signs that my husband is going to leave me," I ask them if they have confronted their husband about his intentions. Most times, they will tell me that the husband refuses to discuss what's going on. Husbands who are seriously considering leaving often close themselves off to their wives and their marriages. They just don't want to talk about it anymore because, in their minds, they think things can not and will not change and they are essentially done thinking or talking about this anymore. Many also hesitate to say anything because they don't want their wives to try to talk them out of leaving. (This happened in my case. I ultimately saved my marriage, but not without many mistakes in the process. You can read that story here).
What To Do If You Think Your Husband Is Going To Leave Or Is Planning To Divorce You: I realize that most husbands don't want to talk about their feelings or intentions in this situation, but that doesn't mean that YOU can't do the talking. However, before I tell you what to say, I want to really stress to you that you want to be brief and matter-of-fact. It is so important that you don't show any signs of desperation, aggression, or negative emotions. You're about the turn the tables, but you have to have your game face on to do it.
The whole idea here is to move away from the person who is on the opposite side and who is eliciting negative or indifferent emotions. Many people instinctively know this, but they go about "getting a reaction" the wrong way. They try to convince, argue, or guilt. This only brings about more negativity that husbands just want to escape from that much more. So, what's the better way?
Chose a calm time when neither of you is rushed. Simply state that you've noticed a distance in the marriage that bothers you. Ask your husband if he might share with you what he needs to make the situation better. If he brushes you off, don't react negatively. Just state that your marriage is the most important thing to you and your husband is the most important person in your life. Therefore, although you can't predict the future and you don't know his intentions, you'd still like to improve your relationship, no matter what ultimately happens. State that you intend to only act in a way that will improve the relationship and proceed to do just that. It doesn't matter how he responds or whether he believes you or not. Because, in the coming days, whether he leaves or not, every interaction that you have with him is going to at least not end on a negative note.
Please don't misunderstand. I'm not asking you to agree with everything he says. Not at all. What I am saying is that you are either contributing positive or negative things to your relationship. As such, you are choosing the high road. Eventually, the idea is that your husband will follow this lead. Once you show him the attention, understanding, and time that he is really wanting, he will likely begin to model this same behavior.
At the end of the day, both husband and wife want to same things in their marriages. They want to feel loved, valued, understood, and appreciated. By modeling the behavior that ensures your husband feels these things, you are beginning to turn the negative emotions and interactions into positive ones. And, this is what is going to ultimately turn this situation around.
Honestly, I saw many of these signs right before my husband left, but I tried to convince myself I had nothing to worry about. I was wrong. I ended up in a long, painful separation. Things continued on in this way until I finally decided to change the way I approached my husband, my marriage, and my reconciliation. This shift changed everything. You can read more at http://isavedmymarriage.com/
There are links to more articles about saving your marriage at http://isavedmymarriage.com/