What Not To Expect From Friends

Many of us are lucky enough to have had a couple of people come into our lives and bless us with the love of a friend. Some of them were fleeting friends, they left just as quickly as they came. Some of them were part of our lives for years. But the art of maintaining and nurturing a friendship still remains foggy and unclear to most of us. What should we expect from friends? What is unfair to expect from them?

All unique instances considered, here are a couple of tips on what to not to expect from friends.

Don't Expect Them To Be Perfect Friends

A lot of times, people speak as if friends are fruits to be picked from a basket. You pick the good looking ones, the “positive” and “motivational” ones, and leave the rest. You choose your friends “wisely”. But when people say that, they forget that on the one hand, we don't choose who walks into our lives, and on the other hand, those who do end up in our lives are never perfect. None of them are perfect robots of inspiration and motivation, working constantly and keeping us bent towards our own work. None of them are always happy and positive. Real people sometimes have problems that they want to talk about, and sometimes their problems make them a little despondent, and negative about life. Real people have weaknesses, scars, and wounds that make them fail at being constant sources of inspiration. Real friends aren't perfect.

Don't Expect Them To Always Put You First

As much as we would like to be the center of our friends universes, we should remember that they have their own lives. They have their own dreams and aspirations, their own needs and wants, their own priorities. So they may not always agree to join your weekend picnic or to go to your favorite singer's concert. They may not always remember your dog's birthday or your parents anniversary. Just like you may not remember their first boyfriend or girlfriend's name. Know that as much as your friends love and adore you, they have their own lives to think about and they may not always have you on their minds.

Don't Expect Them To Be A Constant Source Of Validation

Your real friends won't always compliment you. They won't always remind you of how wonderful of a person you are. If they are real and honest with you, they will sometimes tell you to lay off the pizza or to start working out. They may tell you to work on your attitude towards your parents or your spouse. If they are real with you, they will tell you if you're not as great of rapper as you think you. They will tell you are not really the next great basketball player. And it may sometimes hurt when your friends show you your faults. But you should remember, we're are usually kind and unrealistically flattering to people we don't really care about, the ones we are trying to impress. To our true friends, we're honest. So take it as a compliment when your friends show you your faults.

Don't Expect Them To Cure Your Loneliness

If you're a person who is chronically lonely, you may convince yourself that getting a new friend or two will make the pain of isolation go away. But you should know that loneliness is much more than the absence of friends and companions. Loneliness is about the lack of connection. It's about not being known and understood by somebody other than yourself. And that connection and understanding takes time to build. So when you do get new friends, and they are not willing to listen to all you have to say or to join you in every activity you do, you may find that the feeling of loneliness lingers in you. Don't lose hope, however. In time you will build good and satisfying friendships and your loneliness will melt away.

Don't Expect Them To Be There Forever

The sad truth about life is that people come and go. The set of friends you have now may not be the same one you have in five years time. And at some points in your life, you may find that the people you once called friends, have become strangers. It's not something that we aught to be upset about. It's rather a reality that we should accept. People will move on from your life. They will find new interests and new people to associate with. That does not mean that they are bad people. They are just people living their lives.

Despite all this, remember that friendships are beautiful and they make the world a much better place to live in. Like Walter Winchell says, “to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence”. Don't let these realities prevent you from going out there and creating some lasting and wholesome friendships.