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When are people going to get real?
When society reads in the newspaper or catches on local news channels the headlines: Murder-Suicide, Domestic Abuse Homicide, or Workplace Violence, they are intrigued out of the common interest that everyone has been frustrated in a relationship at home, ... Views: 1722
Eating disorders are rooted in emotional struggles. These struggles are deep emotional conflicts within the sufferer, these are called self-conflicts.
How the conflicts started in the first place?
This process begins by fantasizing at a very early age. People fantasize a script, for ... Views: 1718
Three years ago, a young 22-year-old man my son knew was walking along a local overpass that is one of the busiest traffic corridors in the Boulder area.
For some reasons that we’ll never really know, this young man – deeply loved by his family and his friends – made a decision; one that ... Views: 1717
All of us will encounter toxic individuals and circumstances in our lives at one time or another. During those experiences we need to use whatever helpful tools we can find to stay balanced and clear about "who we are."
One of the methods I use to maintain perspective is to create a "healthy ... Views: 1717
It's difficult for a lot of people to communicate with each other effectively. Unless you're a recluse, communication is something we all do every day. Perhaps because I'm a motivational speaker, author, and radio host, I can talk ad infinitum. I actually find it enjoyable and relatively easy. ... Views: 1716
It doesn't take much to anger some people. Even the most innocent comments can cause some tempers to flare. Innocuous situations can be misinterpreted leading to screaming matches, cursing, or physical altercations. In an instant, violence can erupt where calm once existed and destruction of ... Views: 1715
In this straight forward and revealing interview, Chief Phil Lane Jr shares his heartfelt journey as he learns the powerful freedom and empowerment that comes from forgiveness.
In this living oral history, Phil clearly and powerful shares his trials and tribulations and victories along the ... Views: 1715
Anger can be one of the most destructive emotions of all. It can be harmful to your health, relationships and well-being. Taken to an extreme, it can cause you to do things you later regret or that have legal consequences. Fortunately, there are effective ways to manage and reduce your anger. If ... Views: 1714
The origin of most conflicts, whether between couples, colleagues or friends, stems from the conviction that each party feels he/she is “right.” One’s needs, values and interests thus differ from the other to the point that each party will try to persuade the other to agree with what one ... Views: 1706
Companies could do a lot more to remove the triggers that bring patterns forward for most people. Stress is subjective. Performance evaluations, for instance, inspire a tremendous amount of dread. Although honest feedback is both healthy and helpful, evaluations are usually structured such that ... Views: 1704
When we don't understand what happened in the conflict, we always look for WHAT or WHO caused the conflict. While trying to figure things out, it's helpful that we trace and discuss things over. However, if people are quick to put a blame on people frantically, this is a problem.
Blaming is ... Views: 1700
In consideration of the myriad challenges to having an enriching and enduring relationship, it seems practically oxy moronic to use “healthy, romantic and relationship” in the same context.
As a human relations expert, I am often asked, “Is it possible to have an “ideal relationship / ... Views: 1697
No Reason
Ten years ago, my Uncle John passed away. Although in his eighty’s, it was hard on his son, Johnny. Three months later, Johnny’s only child, his beautiful fourteen year old daughter, was in a car that plunged into an icy Ohio River where she tragically drowned. Her mother, Johnny’s ... Views: 1696
Most people dread arguments, power struggles, and the silent treatment. Exploring and resolving differences are skills as important as the 3Rs and the skills least likely to be talked about. Avoiding pain doesn’t make it go away. Instead , when we explore conflict, we paradoxically experience ... Views: 1694
Do you have anyone in your life who displays any of the following behaviours (on a regular basis)?
Gets all defensive and angry when they are given any form of feedback?
‘Flies of the handle’ at the slightest thing?
Gets really upset and displays behaviours such as crying and tantrums ... Views: 1681
We’re all in denial. We’d barely get through the day if we worried that we or people we love could die today. Life is unpredictable, and denial helps us cope and focus on what we must in order to survive. On the other hand, denial harms us when it causes us to ignore problems for which there are ... Views: 1678
Perhaps all of us have had an intimate partner that has said or done things to us which frankly seem unforgivable! Can you remember a circumstance where you spoke hurtful or hateful words, and later recognized that you did not really mean them? The context of your life affected the content of ... Views: 1678
When you first start your job, you love every aspect of it. You are eager to learn, and every activity is exciting. But as time goes by, some of us start to resent our jobs. You might feel stuck, frustrated, or just plain bored. But job satisfaction doesn’t always require a career change. Here ... Views: 1677
"Webster's Dictionary" defines forgiveness as "ceasing to feel resentment against someone who has offended us in some way." How do we cease to feel resentment towards someone we feel has harmed us -- especially if that person in no way acknowledges any wrong doing? And why would we want ... Views: 1675
All of a sudden Sam had that ‘I think I forgot something feeling’, the feeling that makes some of us feel just a little bit sick to our stomachs or perhaps brings on a cold sweat. Then he realized what it was, he had completely forgotten to tell his project steering committee about the change ... Views: 1674
Three Beatitudes for Better Communication
By
Bill Cottringer
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” ~George Bernard Shaw.
I first heard this simple but profound prescription for better communication below, used as a beginning and ... Views: 1674
Mary Carol had a difficult decision to make. Her team had an important and risky system upgrade to complete. The upgrade definitely needed to occur over a weekend. The schedule was tight and many of the team members felt that the upgrade should occur over an upcoming holiday weekend. This would ... Views: 1672
They're like mosquitoes on a hot summer night - those irritating and annoying people. They can be found anywhere from our families or coworkers to drivers on the roadways to complete strangers we encounter while on vacation. Their quirky behaviors and annoying habits can ruin our day. Other ... Views: 1670
Fiona was Corrie’s manager at a branch of a large financial institution that had branches across the U.S. Europe and Asia. They had recently come up with a new process that Fiona was hoping that the organization would adopt throughout their operations. As Corrie was instrumental in developing ... Views: 1670
One of my favorite authors, the late Dr. Wayne Dyer, once stated that "There is no way to peace. Peace is the way." This seemed rather contradictory to the common belief that a peaceful state of existence is a destination we arrive at after traversing a righteous path. Wayne challenges us to ... Views: 1668
The trouble with arguments is that they don't work.
I'm not talking about a good debate, where you have some great ideas, and they clash, and you start a healthy back-and-forth that feels fun. I mean arguments – where tension starts to rise, responses start to get personal, and you go around ... Views: 1665
We speak languages that often represent our thoughts, cultural beliefs, religious beliefs, viewpoints and serve as communication needs in all over the world. Our languages contain different words for different feelings such as being happy, grieved, cheer full, cool, indifferent, warm, hot, ... Views: 1665
The healthiest and longest lasting relationships don’t just happen because a couple fell in love. The majority of strong and healthy marriages are created by using a formula composed of six vital elements.
1. Good/open/honest communication and a willingness to change. This happens with ... Views: 1662
One of the more common definitions of conflict is that it is a clash between two (or more) opposing groups or that it is a power struggle or a battle between opposing forces.
When you think of conflict, you may think of it as a negative (think power struggle or battle) or you may think that ... Views: 1662
I used to pride myself on being sensitive. The problem was I was easily hurt by the things other people said to me. I lived in a chronic state of pain which lead to a lifetime of unhappiness and low self-esteem. But the alternative (being cold and aloof) was less appealing so I resigned myself ... Views: 1662
A recent article in the Wall St. Journal, “For a Nation of Whiners, Therapists Try Tough Love”, has created quite a stir in the psychological community. The author advocates that therapists should provide ‘tough love’ for their clients, firing those who can’t stop complaining. “Crybabies be ... Views: 1660
Keeping our disagreements from becoming full-blown fights can be challenging. Many times, we're so passionate about our beliefs or what we want to do that any form of opposition causes us to become frustrated and angry. We may prefer that others simply agree with our position or if they don't to ... Views: 1660
Does this sound familiar: “Would you mind if I give you a little feedback?” Or, “Can I be honest with you?” (Here comes the criticism!). You know what’s coming and your body reacts immediately. Maybe you catch yourself holding your breath for a moment, your heart picks up a beat, or your ... Views: 1660
While conducting research for today's show, I found fourteen of the most common reasons people get angry. Keep in mind, these are only the triggers. Outside circumstances are never the actual cause. There are three root causes - hurt, fear, and frustration - that prompt anger in us. Let's ... Views: 1656
Part II - Forgiveness - The 5 Things That Keep You From Living the Life of Your Dreams
2. Forgiveness
Forgiveness is three fold; forgiving others, asking for forgiveness and forgiving yourself.
In my lifetime there were many relationships that were shattered, but the connection to the ... Views: 1655
At the core, everyone is God Essence, pure love and light. We are all one…individual and unique manifestations of the universal divine. We are all innately good. And, in our heart of hearts, we all desire love…to love and to be loved. Although this seems pretty incongruent with many of the ... Views: 1655
Communication is difficult for most of us. It is one of the most necessary interpersonal skills we need yet few have ever been formally trained in. For most, it's a learn-as-you-go process. What makes effective communicating so challenging is that we all converse on different levels and employ ... Views: 1654
I was contemplating what could I write that would reach people and help them to get them started toward the path of life that best suits them and those connected to them.
Here is what came to me,
“When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable”
When we meet others and purpose is sensed ... Views: 1651
Understanding your choices is essential in managing conflict. And, yes, there is always more than one choice! You just have to decide what consequence you will live with. This helps you resolve your own inner conflict. And just as important is the strategy of providing choices for others ... Views: 1647
Difficult people - ya gotta love em! Or not. Whether you do or don't, it's a fact of life that they are all around us - in our families, places of employment, communities, social events, and everywhere else. For whatever reasons, we all have personal issues that cause us to behave in ways others ... Views: 1645
I've spent over twenty years working with families as a spiritual life coach. Many of my clients divulge painful or embarrassing situations that their families are struggling with, believing there must be something wrong with them since other families they know appear so well adjusted. I assure ... Views: 1645
If I told you that there was one simple word that could prevent anger from arising would you be interested in discovering what that word is? Or in the event that anger showed up without warning, this same word could easily subdue it and restore your sense of calm? Would you utilize this ... Views: 1644
Growing up with nine siblings, all with big personalities, was quite a rich and deep experience. My role in such a large Irish Catholic family was “the peacemaker”. With everyone close in age there were always arguments over who got the prize at the bottom of the cereal box, or fighting over ... Views: 1642
One of the most significant underlying assumptions that many people internalize is, “I must avoid conflict at all costs; if I let others know what I think and feel, I might get disappointed and hurt.” However, “sweeping things under the rug” tends to eventually magnify unresolved interactions ... Views: 1641
When I was three years old, my adoptive mother was holding me as we stood in line at the grocery store. A gentleman in front of us turned and said what a pretty little girl I was…I then replied with, “no I’m not…I’m adopted.”
Being adopted weighed on my shoulders for decades. Rejection and ... Views: 1636
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***New Ideas - by Margaret Meloni, the Official Guide to Conflict Resolution
“There is no squabbling so violent as that between people who accepted an idea yesterday and those who will accept the same idea tomorrow… “ CHRISTOPHER MORLEY
Wow now isn’t that the truth? Here is another excellent opportunity to sharpen your conflict resolution skills.
Some of you ... Views: 1635
I abhor arguing. It's a waste of precious time and energy and robs me of my serenity. Conflict, however, is horse of another color. Conflict occurs daily in each of our lives. It simply means that there is a disagreement, a difference of opinion. My husband and I engage in disputes on a regular ... Views: 1635
When something goes wrong in your life, who do you blame?
“I’m in so much debt because the economy is bad and everything is so expensive. It’s not my fault”
“My mother always criticized me when I was a child. That’s why I suffer from low self esteem and make so many bad choices.”
Sadly, ... Views: 1635
As summer ends, we see the light changing and the days becoming shorter and shorter. That fall chill in the air seems to come out of nowhere, and we often begin to sense sadness and maybe even depression, prompting us to think, what’s that all about? Though fall is beautiful with the leaves ... Views: 1633
With the holidays fast approaching, our emotions seem to jump all over the place. We’re excited, anxious, stressed, because there’s so much to plan, and we want the holidays to be perfect. Yet, the thought of the holiday dinner quickly reminds us of past events that have been anything but ... Views: 1631