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Articles from Rick Hanson | Selfgrowth.com
- Friend or Foe? - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2015 from Rick HansonFriendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive. Think about a time when someone was friendly to you - maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, ...
Views: 1121 - What Are Your Intentions Toward Others? - by Submitted on Apr 25, 2016 from Rick HansonBenevolence is a fancy word that means something simple: good intentions toward living beings, including oneself. This goodwill is present in warmth, friendliness, compassion, ordinary decency, fair play, kindness, altruism, generosity, and love. The benevolent heart leans toward others; it ...
Views: 1117 - What Do Others Want? - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2017 from Rick HansonHustling through an airport, I stopped to buy some water. At the shop's refrigerator, a man was bent over, loading bottles into it. I reached past him and pulled out one he'd put in. He looked up, stopped working, got a bottle from another shelf, and held it out to me, saying "This one is cold." ...
Views: 1117 - What's Changing? - by Submitted on Oct 24, 2016 from Rick HansonThe fifth of my personal Top 5 practices (all tied for first place) is open out, by which I mean relaxing into a growing sense of connection, even oneness, with all things. (The other four are be mindful, love, take in the good, and go green.) "Opening out" can sound kind of airy-fairy or ...
Views: 1115 - Do You Care? - by Submitted on Oct 23, 2017 from Rick HansonCompassion is essentially the wish that beings not suffer - from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish - combined with feelings of sympathetic concern. You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), ...
Views: 1113 - How Do You Love? - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2016 from Rick HansonIn my early 20's, I went through Rolfing, a form of deep-tissue bodywork, and I nervously anticipated the 5th session, the one that goes deep into the belly. But instead of gobs of repressed emotional pain, what poured out was love - waves and waves of love that I'd pushed down due to ...
Views: 1106 - What Are You Fighting? - by Submitted on Jun 19, 2017 from Rick HansonBy "war" I mean here a mindset, not combat between nations with tanks and bombs. The "war" I'm referring to is an attitude of conflict and animosity toward a person, object, or condition. Parents can feel at war with a misbehaving teenager, and certainly vice versa. Neighbors quarreling over a ...
Views: 1106 - What's The Most Important Thing? - by Submitted on Jul 06, 2015 from Rick HansonHave you heard this saying? The most important thing is to remember the most important thing. What are the most important things to you? In your life as a whole? During a particular interaction with someone? Right this minute? The most important things often get pushed to the sidelines. ...
Views: 1105 - Out Of Balance? - by Submitted on Oct 03, 2016 from Rick HansonBy "sobriety," I mean healthy self-control, a centered enjoyment of life, and an inner freedom from drivenness. We typically apply this sense of balance and self-care to things like food, drugs and alcohol, sexuality, money, and risky behaviors. And if you like, you could bring sobriety to other ...
Views: 1104 - Why do we have cheerleaders? - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2015 from Rick HansonLet's say you've had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, or thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you're not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. ...
Views: 1102 - What Are You Resisting? - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2016 from Rick HansonAs general clusters that each include a number of specific methods, my Top 5 types of practices (all tied for first place) are: * Be mindful * Love * Take in the good * Go green * Open out So far, I’ve written about the first four of these clusters, and you can click the links just above ...
Views: 1101 - What Can You Do When Nothing Is Working? - by Submitted on May 29, 2017 from Rick HansonIn response to a previous JOT - Find Stillness - a wise therapist, Betsy Sansby, reminded me that sometimes a person just can't find any stillness anywhere. Maybe you have epilepsy or chronic pain, or are wildly worried about a child or other loved one, or have been rejected in love or had the ...
Views: 1100 - What's weighing you down? - by Submitted on Aug 17, 2015 from Rick HansonOn the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight. What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and ...
Views: 1100 - Do People Ever Make You Mad? - by Submitted on Mar 14, 2017 from Rick HansonAs the most social and loving species on the planet, we have the wonderful ability and inclination to connect with others, be empathic, cooperate, care, and love. On the other hand, we also have the capacity and inclination to be fearfully aggressive toward any individual or group we regard as ...
Views: 1098 - What's Your Own Role? - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2015 from Rick HansonIn situations or relationships with any kind of difficulty - tension, feeling hurt, conflicts, mismatches of wants . . . the usual crud - it's natural to focus on what others have done that's problematic. This could be useful for a while: it can energize you, bring insight into what the real ...
Views: 1098 - What Matters Most To You? - by Submitted on Jan 25, 2016 from Rick HansonIn every life, reminders arrive about what's really important. I've recently received one myself, in a form that's already come to countless people and will come to countless more: news of a potentially serious health problem. My semi-annual dermatology mole check turned up a localized ...
Views: 1095 - Where Are You Headed? - by Submitted on Jan 16, 2017 from Rick HansonThe Practice. I recently did a meditation retreat (at Spirit Rock, wonderful place, including for workshops). One evening as we walked out of the hall after the last sit, I was feeling rattled and discombobulated. (One of the benefits of a retreat - though it can be uncomfortable - is that it ...
Views: 1093 - To What Is Your Mind Given? - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2017 from Rick HansonI'm old enough to remember a time when people usually answered "good" when you asked them the standard, "How are you?" (often said "harya?"). These days the answer is commonly "busy." In the last few months I've been very busy myself and starting to feel dispersed: juggling a dozen priorities ...
Views: 1091 - What Are You Saying? - by Submitted on Mar 12, 2018 from Rick Hanson"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Ah, not really. Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with ...
Views: 1091 - Where Do You Live? - by Submitted on Mar 28, 2016 from Rick HansonAs a kid, I was really out of touch with my body. I hardly noticed it most of the time, and when I did, I prodded it like a mule to do a better job of hauling "me" - the head - around. This approach helped me soldier through some tough times. But there were costs. Many pleasures were numbed, ...
Views: 1090 - Who are you prosecuting? - by Submitted on Dec 07, 2015 from Rick HansonLately I've been thinking about a kind of "case" that's been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven't supported me, views about what should happen that ...
Views: 1088 - What Do You Do When The Bottom Falls Out? - by Submitted on Jan 15, 2018 from Rick HansonIt takes heart to live in even ordinary times. By "taking heart," I mean several related things: Sensing your heart and chest Finding encouragement in what is good both around you and inside you Resting in your own warmth, compassion, and kindness; resting in the caring for ...
Views: 1085 - How Do You Talk to People? - by Submitted on Jun 15, 2015 from Rick HansonWhen our kids were little, I'd come home from work wanting some peace after the daily roller-coaster and often walk into a living room full of stuff - toy trucks, tennis shoes, bags of chips, etc. Irritated, the first words out of my mouth to my wife would be: "How come there's all this mess?" ...
Views: 1082 - Is It Truly Urgent? - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2016 from Rick HansonThings come at us with so much urgency and demand these days. Phones ring, texts buzz, emails pile up, new balls have to be juggled, work days lengthen and move into evenings and weekends, traffic gets denser, financial demands feel like a knife at the neck, ads and news clamor for attention, ...
Views: 1081 - Longing For Love? - by Submitted on Mar 14, 2016 from Rick HansonYour brain evolved in three stages (to simplify a complex process): Reptile - Brainstem, focused on avoiding harm Mammal - Limbic system, focused on approaching rewards Primate - Cortex, focused on attaching to "us" The first JOT in this series - pet the lizard - was about how to ...
Views: 1080 - What Do Others Give You? - by Submitted on Nov 24, 2015 from Rick HansonEach Thanksgiving holiday, we are reminded to be thankful. When times are tough, finding reasons to be thankful may be challenging or even seem inappropriate or impossible. This year, before we sit around the dinner table, let's think about the myriad benefits to saying thanks, and how to truly ...
Views: 1077 - What Is Your Sense Of Peace? - by Submitted on Nov 21, 2016 from Rick Hanson“Peace” can sound merely sentimental or clichéd (“visualize whirled peas”). But deep down, it’s what most of us long for. Consider the proverb: The highest happiness is peace. Not a peace inside that ignores pain in oneself or others, or is acquired by shutting down. This is a durable peace, ...
Views: 1074 - What's fundamental? - by Submitted on Mar 22, 2016 from Rick HansonIn middle school, I thought it would be cool to play a musical instrument, and picked the clarinet. My wise parents rented one rather than buying it, and I started practicing. (In the garage because it sounded pretty screechy.) After a week or two of doing scales, I got bored and picked my way ...
Views: 1072 - When Have People Been Caring? - by Submitted on May 18, 2015 from Rick HansonEveryone knows what it's like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected, and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy. On the other hand, you've probably had the sense, one time or another, of not being cared about. That you didn't ...
Views: 1072 - Does It Feel Safe With Other People? - by Submitted on Aug 01, 2016 from Rick HansonWe all know this fear. You're walking down a street, someone you don't know comes toward you, and there's a second or more of wariness, scanning, apprehension, and tension or bracing in the body: a barely conscious assessment of possible threat. Or you step into a meeting with people you know ...
Views: 1070 - What Can I Do? - by Submitted on Nov 14, 2016 from Rick HansonI'm doing a series on my personal top five practices (all tied for first place), and have so far named three: meditate (including mindfulness, self-awareness, and, if you like, prayer), take in the good, and bless (including compassion, generosity, and love). I saw one way to bless on a ...
Views: 1064 - What Do Their Faces Say To You? - by Submitted on Nov 16, 2015 from Rick HansonAs our ancestors evolved over millions of years in small bands, continually interacting and working with each other, it was vitally important to communicate in hundreds of ways each day. They shared information about external "carrots" and "sticks," and about their internal experience (e.g., ...
Views: 1064 - What Happens When You Look At Someone? - by Submitted on Apr 04, 2016 from Rick HansonWhen we encounter someone, usually the mind automatically slots the person into a category: man, woman, your friend Tom, the kid next door, etc. Watch this happen in your own mind as you meet or talk with a co-worker, salesclerk, or family member. In effect, the mind summarizes and simplifies ...
Views: 1064 - Which Wolf Do You Feed? - by Submitted on Mar 07, 2016 from Rick HansonI once heard a Native American teaching story in which an elder, a grandmother, was asked what she had done to become so happy, so wise, so loved and respected. She replied: "It's because I know that there are two wolves in my heart, a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything ...
Views: 1061 - There's Been Mistreatment or Injustice - Now What? - by Submitted on Nov 21, 2017 from Rick HansonIt’s easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly. (Much of what I say here applies to concerns about injustice or mistreatment that threatens or happens to others, from someone bullying a child to an oppressive government, but I will focus on ...
Views: 1059 - What gets you stuck? - by Submitted on May 09, 2016 from Rick HansonHave you ever watched two people quarrel, or otherwise be stuck in a conflict with each other? Usually, if either or both of them simply acknowledged one or more things, that would end the fight. Recall a time someone mistreated you, let you down, dropped the ball, made an error, spoke ...
Views: 1059 - Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall, What Are The Deepest Wants Of All? - by Submitted on Nov 28, 2016 from Rick HansonI did my Ph.D. dissertation by videotaping 20 mother-toddler pairs and analyzing what happened when the mom offered an alternative to a problematic want ("not the chainsaw, sweetie, how about this red truck"). Hundreds of bleary eyed hours later, I found that offering alternatives reduced child ...
Views: 1053 - Is It Really True? - by Submitted on Jun 12, 2017 from Rick HansonOne time I watched a three-year-old at her birthday party. Her friends were there from preschool, and she received lots of presents. The cake came out, she admired the pink frosting rose at its center, and everyone sang. One of the moms cut pieces and without thinking sliced right through the ...
Views: 1051 - What Are You Learning? - by Submitted on May 25, 2015 from Rick HansonMy dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking." Sure, we often gain by thinking out loud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings ...
Views: 1047 - Who Are You, Deep Down? - by Submitted on Apr 18, 2016 from Rick HansonFor many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that "I am a good person." We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, act ethically - but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah! We end up not feeling like a good person in a number of ways. For example, I once ...
Views: 1046 - What's Precious To You? - by Submitted on Feb 14, 2017 from Rick HansonThe word, sacred, has two kinds of meanings. First, it can refer to something related to religion or spirituality. Second, more broadly, it can refer to something that one cherishes, that is precious, to which one is respectfully, even reverently, dedicated, such as honesty with one's life ...
Views: 1044 - What is an open heart? - by Submitted on Jun 22, 2015 from Rick HansonWe all know people who are, ah, . . . challenging. It could be a critical parent, a bossy supervisor, a relative who has you walking on eggshells, a nice but flaky friend, a co-worker who just doesn't like you, a partner who won't keep his or her agreements, or a politician you dislike. Right ...
Views: 1043 - What's The Hurry? - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2017 from Rick HansonAs I was meditating this morning, our cat hopped up in my lap. It felt sweet to sit there with him. And yet - even though I was feeling fine and had plenty of time, there was this internal pressure to start zipping along with emails and calls and all the other clamoring minutiae of the ...
Views: 1041 - What Helps You Carry Your Load? - by Submitted on Oct 10, 2016 from Rick HansonWe're all carrying a load, including tasks, challenges, worries, inner criticism, mistreatment from others, physical and emotional pain, loss and illness now or later, and everyday stresses and frustrations. Take a moment to get a sense of your own load. It's very real, isn't it? Recognizing ...
Views: 1038 - What Do You Want? - by Submitted on Nov 09, 2015 from Rick HansonGetting caught up in wanting - wanting both to get what's pleasant and to avoid what's unpleasant - is a major source of suffering and harm for oneself and others. First, a lot of what we want to get comes with a big price tag - such as that second cupcake, constant stimulation via TV and ...
Views: 1036 - What Doesn't Change? - by Submitted on May 22, 2017 from Rick HansonThings keep changing. The clock ticks, the day unfolds, trees grow, leaves turn brown, hair turns gray, children grow up and leave home, attention skitters from this to that, the cookie is delicious but then it's all gone, you're mad about something for awhile and then get over it, consciousness ...
Views: 1033 - What Are They Feeling? - by Submitted on May 13, 2015 from Rick HansonImagine a world in which people interacted with each other like ants or fish. Imagine a day at work like this, or in your family, aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own. That's a world without empathy. To ...
Views: 1031 - Where Does It Hurt? - by Submitted on Oct 09, 2017 from Rick HansonWe're usually aware of our own suffering, which - broadly defined - includes the whole range of physical and mental discomfort, from mild headache or anxiety to the agony of bone cancer or the anguish of losing a child. (Certainly, there is more to life than suffering, including great joy and ...
Views: 1024 - What is Living You? - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2015 from Rick HansonIn every moment, you and I and everyone and everything else - from quantum foam to fleeting thoughts, intimate relationships, rainforest ecosystems, and the stars themselves - are each a kind of standing wave, like the ever-changing though persistent pattern of water rising above a boulder in a ...
Views: 1023 - What's Your Heart Saying? - by Submitted on Aug 03, 2015 from Rick HansonOne Christmas I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated a million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado river. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually ...
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