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Articles from Judy Ringer | Selfgrowth.com
- Inner Freedom - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2008 from Judy Ringer"We hold these truths to be self-evident." --Thomas Jefferson When we celebrate Independence Day in the U.S., we commemorate our struggle to free ourselves from tyranny, and celebrate victory in the quest for Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. We remember the freedoms we normally take ...
Views: 1008 - It's All So Simple - by Submitted on Dec 14, 2010 from Judy RingerIn his thoughtful and thought-provoking song “Anyone Can Whistle,” Stephen Sondheim writes: It's all so simple, Relax, let go, let fly. So someone tell me, why can't I? In this month of giving, getting, and gathering, when we all do more and push harder, relaxing and letting go are ...
Views: 1057 - It’s A Habit - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2007 from Judy RingerDo you sometimes have the feeling that you're running into the same obstacles over and over again? Many of my conflicts have the same feel to them, like "Hey, I think I've been here before," but I can't figure out how I wound up in the same place. The situation is different, but the conflict ...
Views: 928 - Keep the Channel Open - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerWhy do you do what you do? What is your real work in the world, and why is it important to know the answer? I'm an entrepreneur at heart. I have started and run several businesses, and as I look back, I think the most important element in financial and personal success is awareness of purpose ...
Views: 633 - Keeping Conflict in Perspective - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerA friend told me about a conflict she was having with her next door neighbor. Due to a misunderstanding the neighbor was pretty upset, so much so that when they passed on the street and my friend said hello and reached out to shake his hand, he withdrew it, avoided eye contact, muttered a ...
Views: 811 - Knowing When I'm Not: 4 Suggestions for Developing a Strong Center - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerThe more I practice centering, the more I realize that as important as it is to be able to identify and access the centered state, it is equally important to be able to know when I'm NOT centered. Otherwise, how do I choose? When I'm centered I'm in control of my behavior. Centered action is ...
Views: 634 - Letting Go Of Perfection - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy Ringer"The power of discovery enables us to achieve excellence without having to be "perfect.'" – Thomas Crum, The Magic of Conflict I arrived at the conference center ready to present my workshop. Almost immediately I noticed the room was too small and it was not set up as requested. There ...
Views: 1063 - Living on Purpose: One Rock at a Time - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy RingerI just got back from Colorado where I spent a week relaxing, re-energizing and revisiting the key values in my life. The lodge where I stayed is called Peaceful Valley, and it has a chapel on the premises. I’ve been to Peaceful Valley and to this chapel many times over the years. The ...
Views: 663 - Make Their Day - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Use every man after his desert, and who shall 'scape whipping? Use them after your own honour and dignity: the less they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty." – Hamlet, William Shakespeare When was the last time someone made your day – or you made theirs? In the national bestselling ...
Views: 735 - Managing the Unexpected: How I Stayed Present in Seven (Not So) Simple Steps - by Submitted on Jun 26, 2011 from Judy RingerSo, there I was alone in a hotel room in Poughkeepsie, NY, instead of attending my college reunion festivities. I’d been looking forward to meeting up with past classmates, going to lectures and, most of all, walking the campus. The Vassar campus is unbelievably beautiful in June. Trees are ...
Views: 991 - Managing Their Reactions: An Aiki Approach - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2008 from Judy RingerWhat happens if you're in a conversation or a conflict and the other person is out of control? How do you manage their strong emotional energy, especially when it's forcefully directed at you? It takes courage to engage in conflict conversations, especially if prior experience produced outcomes ...
Views: 1947 - Many Lessons: Swimming, Aikido, and Life - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2011 from Judy RingerThere’s a saying in Aikido: “There are many lessons on the mat.” It means that when we’re practicing Aikido we’re not just learning Aikido, we’re also learning about life. For example, when someone grabs my wrist too hard and I get angry but don’t say anything, I eventually learn that it would ...
Views: 979 - Negativity Rx: Change Your Ki - by Submitted on Aug 13, 2008 from Judy RingerIn a recent workshop, "Jane" asked about negativity in the workplace: "Our work environment is so negative. It's like The Wave. One individual starts and then everybody joins in, including me some days. I want to stop. But when I don't engage, they all look at me like I'm "Miss Polly Positive" ...
Views: 1144 - Negotiating Life's Detours: Follow Your Energy - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy RingerSomeone asked me recently if I had a guiding principle that helped me decide what new work to take on, and how I decide how much time to spend pursuing my various interests. It's a great question. Entrepreneurs have an idea a minute, and it's often difficult to know which ideas to invest time ...
Views: 841 - Neighbors With Drums: Making Choices - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2008 from Judy Ringer"If you don't like what's happening in your life, change your mind." --The Dalai Lama There's a new event in the neighborhood. Every day around 3:30 pm, a neighbor with a new drum set begins practicing -- at full volume. The drummer must be on his deck or screened porch, because there doesn't ...
Views: 1008 - Night And Day: Choosing Your Reality - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy Ringer"There's nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so." - William Shakespeare The title of this great Cole Porter song -Night and Day - also describes the sometimes changeable nature of my outlook on life. Example: It is late evening, and I'm thinking about all I have to accomplish in ...
Views: 667 - No Spare Parts: Finding Your Purpose - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2012 from Judy Ringer"If you lose your purpose, it's like you're broken." ~Hugo Cabret Over the holidays, I saw the movie Hugo. I went without great expectation, but I was delightfully surprised. It's a wonderful movie, full of fantasy, fun, and food for thought. I like movies with messages, and this one had ...
Views: 765 - Nothing More Than Feelings - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy Ringer"How are you Inventing Your Life Today?" – the lead story from my last issue of Power & Presence – drew comments from several readers. Most of the comments went something like: "I wish I could have the degree of control over my life that you apparently do." I want to say, I wish I had the ...
Views: 823 - On Defusing Anger: Rx for Managing Emotions - by Submitted on Mar 12, 2011 from Judy RingerEmotions happen. We can, however, make choices about how we manage them. If you consider emotions simply as a form of life energy, you can begin to reframe the notion that there are "good" and "bad" emotions and direct that energy in positive ways. The energy of anger, for example, can make ...
Views: 1308 - Overcoming Obstacles: Victoria Arlen - From Paraplegic to Paralympics - by Submitted on Sep 25, 2012 from Judy RingerMy message to all that will hear it, is don’t let your limitations define you… Don’t focus on what you don’t have…use what you do have. ~Victoria Arlen An excellent student and natural athlete, Victoria dreamed of becoming an Olympic swimmer from the time she was 5 years old. She trained ...
Views: 2321 - Posturing for Maximum Effectiveness - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2011 from Judy RingerAikidoists know the importance of posture. Head over shoulders over hips, weight balanced over both feet, which are about shoulder width apart. Bowing posture, Seiza (seated) posture, Hanmi (standing) posture. Body and mind are connected. When our posture is upright and ready, everything is. ...
Views: 1536 - Practice Makes Perfect: Changing Your Communication Habits One Step At a Time - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerWe are what we do repeatedly, Excellence, therefore, is not an act, It is a habit. -- Aristotle The concept of practice applies to any skill that you want to cultivate. If you take up a new musical instrument, you will need to practice a while before you're ready to give your first concert. ...
Views: 788 - Purposeful Conversations: A Role Play - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2008 from Judy Ringer"I'm sick and tired of HR's red tape. I need this employee now, not next month. My department suffers while you drag your feet trying to get references I don't need. I want THIS person. Get off the stick and make it happen!" OK! Jack's trying to communicate an important need. What's his ...
Views: 4751 - Reflections On A New Image - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerOccasionally I have an identity crisis. I think that's good. From time to time I have to ask myself questions like: Who am I? What am I doing? Do I like doing it? Am I good at it? Will it help the world? and How does the world know I'm doing it? It began this time when I asked a friend and ...
Views: 649 - Respect Is Like Air - by Submitted on Dec 19, 2012 from Judy RingerRespect is like air: if you take it away, it's all people can think about. ~Kerry Patterson - Author, Crucial Conversations Respect is like air, I've heard it said. When it's plentiful, there's no issue. We take it as given. But when it's missing, you can't think about anything else. I ...
Views: 3091 - Sophia And Sam: Life Lessons From Little Ones - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2008 from Judy RingerRecently, I had a delightful visit with my friend, Linda, and her four-month-old twins, Sophia and Sam. Oh my. What joyful little beings. Tiny centering machines. I'd gotten lost on the way to Linda's house and arrived half an hour late, uncentered and stressed. Sophia and Sam were asleep in ...
Views: 813 - Stage Fright: Use It and Lose It - by Submitted on Jul 23, 2008 from Judy RingerAs a professional singer and speaker, I'm often asked if I still get nervous in front of an audience. I do. But I've learned to use my nervous energy – and minimize its impact. I practice aikido, a martial art based on aligning with the attacker and redirecting the attack. Instead of ...
Views: 2954 - Stopping To Listen: The Precious Present - by Submitted on Jul 23, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village though; He will not see me stopping here To watch his woods fill up with snow. My little horse must think it queer To stop without a farmhouse near Between the woods and frozen lake The darkest evening of the year. He gives his ...
Views: 1176 - Thank You Very Much – Turning Problems Into Gifts - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerI am a martial artist and black belt in aikido, a practice that continues to teach me about life, both on and off the mat. For example, at the end of each aikido practice, I express gratitude to my partners by bowing and saying: "Thank you very much." I've found over the years that sometimes I ...
Views: 760 - The Art of Persuasion: Tips for Getting Your Point Across When No One is Listening - by Submitted on Apr 12, 2012 from Judy RingerDisclaimer. You're probably reading this because you want to be heard, and I'm going to talk about how to listen. Because that's how to be heard. Become a good listener. The three primary ingredients of conversation are: Inquiry, Acknowledgment, and Advocacy. • Inquiry is about learning, ...
Views: 1202 - The Gift of Christmas Presence - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2012 from Judy RingerI will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. ~ Charles Dickens At church last Sunday, our pastor invited the youth of the congregation up front for the traditional "Time for Young Disciples." Three- and four-year-olds, seven- and ten-year-olds all came forward ...
Views: 978 - The Greatest Gift - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Go ahead, Judy, talk to your father. What do you want to say?" With these words offered by my favorite Aunt Mimi, I was given the greatest gift—the gift of myself. Mimi and I had gone on an aunt-niece shopping adventure, and at age 15, I became the proud owner of my first mini-skirt. Upon ...
Views: 643 - The Hot Tub - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerI swim most mornings at the community pool and then, if there’s time, reward myself with a soak in the hot tub. It's a great tub with room for four or five people, the water is really hot, and you can turn the bubbles on or off. My favorite soak is when I'm alone and the water is still. I ...
Views: 606 - The Pause - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2008 from Judy Ringer"In between stimulus and response, there is a pause, and in that pause we have the opportunity to make a different choice." ~ Victor Frankl Reading a blog post recently by my friend and colleague, Judy Warner, I was inspired. Although I teach aikido techniques like the practice of centering ...
Views: 1281 - The Power Of Not Knowing: Understanding Your Adversary - by Submitted on Jul 29, 2008 from Judy RingerMost of the time, your eagerness to get your point across guarantees that you won't. It seems the harder you push to be heard, the harder they push back. How do you create a willing listener? It's easy: be one. Being heard is exactly what the other person wants, too. So give what you would like ...
Views: 664 - The Weight Of Perfection: Lightening Up - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2008 from Judy RingerPreparing for an out of the ordinary training, I had worried myself into a state of anxiety I hadn't experienced in quite a while. Thank goodness my husband Jim noticed and asked me: "If you didn't feel you had to be perfect, weren't preoccupied with flawlessness or being wonderful enough, would ...
Views: 880 - There Are No Guarantees - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2008 from Judy RingerYou've spent time and energy preparing and holding an important conversation. You developed a useful purpose, acknowledged your conversation partner, and framed your message with skill. But, in spite of your best efforts, the situation does not improve: a direct report continues to be ...
Views: 937 - Top 6 Effective Leadership Traits - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2011 from Judy RingerEven the most effective leaders lose their way occasionally. In spite of best efforts, you forget how much influence you have and how your action (or inaction) affects the workplace environment. These six traits are common causes. Ineffective Leadership Traits 1) Avoiding Conflict When you ...
Views: 1081 - Turning A Difficult Situation Into A Centering Practice - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2008 from Judy RingerI entered the service center of my car dealership ten minutes early for a scheduled maintenance. The service rep took my name and confirmed the details. After a few minutes, she asked if I'd be waiting for the car. I said "What do you mean? We spoke about this when I made the appointment. I need ...
Views: 1370 - View From Another Planet: Learning To Talk To Our Children - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy RingerOur goal in conscious communication is not to change the other person . . . Our goal is to establish connection. Andrew LeCompte, author, Creating Harmonious Relationships A parent of three attended a workshop I gave on managing conflict. A few days after the workshop, she emailed me to say ...
Views: 693 - We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist For Difficult Conversations - by Submitted on Jul 23, 2008 from Judy RingerThink of a conversation you’ve been putting off. Got it? Great. Then let’s go. There are dozens of books on the topic of difficult, crucial, challenging, important (you get the idea) conversations (I list several at the end of this article). Those times when you know you should talk to ...
Views: 724 - What Can't You Say? - by Submitted on May 13, 2011 from Judy RingerIs there a difficult conversation you’re not holding? * Coworker not pulling their weight? * Supervisor not holding members of the team accountable? * Irritating behavior getting on your nerves? What stops you from saying what’s on your mind? You may know exactly what you want to ...
Views: 1076 - What If They Don't Want to Resolve the Conflict? - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2011 from Judy RingerI received a hopeful inquiry from a visitor to my Website recently: This is a common question with coaching clients and in workshops. What if I'm the only one who wants to resolve the conflict? While I have written on this topic in past posts, I think the question deserves more ...
Views: 966 - When Things Don't Go Well – Find Your Positive Intention - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2008 from Judy RingerMy friend was going through a difficult divorce. In an evening phone conversation I asked a question, wanting to help, and immediately realized I'd said exactly the wrong thing. I'd unintentionally made my friend feel like the last ally she had in the world was also against her. I took my ...
Views: 1617 - When You Don't Know The Answer - by Submitted on Sep 22, 2008 from Judy RingerA client was struggling with how to manage her stress level during the Q&A period after a presentation when she doesn't have an immediate answer. The simple solution might be to say, "I don't know." But it's not that simple. Sometimes she does know the answer but can't come up with it, because ...
Views: 989 - Work, Work, Work: Making Each Moment Count - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerTime, time, time. It seems there is never enough of this precious life support. In a previous story about time, I quoted the following aphorism: TIME IS MY FRIEND, TIME IS MY ALLY I HAVE ALL THE TIME I NEED FOR EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO. I received a lot of grateful responses and some ...
Views: 711 - Workplace Conflict: FAQs--An Interview With Judy Ringer - by Submitted on Jul 23, 2008 from Judy RingerDoes conflict disrupt your workplace environment? Read on! Judy Ringer answers some commonly asked questions on the subjects of workplace conflict, difficult people, and how to manage them more effectively. Q. What are some typical breakdowns in the workplace? JR: I wouldn’t call them ...
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