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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- ***How to Connect with Others - by Submitted on Dec 05, 2011 from Margaret PaulWe are inherently social beings, and feeling emotionally connected with another is one of the great joys in life. Yet, all too often, we feel lonely around another or others, wanting to connect and not knowing how. We may have learned numerous dysfunctional or unsatisfying ways of connecting, ...
Views: 2808(1 vote) - ***Oneness With God - by Submitted on Jul 06, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Have you ever felt the Grace of oneness with God? There are many things you can do to have this at will. ________________________________________ "Praying without ceasing is not ritualized, nor are there even words. It is a constant state of ...
Views: 2247(2 votes) - ***The Law of Attraction - It's About Frequency - by Submitted on Mar 25, 2011 from Margaret PaulMany of us have heard of the Law of Attraction - that like attracts like. However, many are confused about what this really means.In my experience, like attracts like means that like frequency attracts like frequency. My high frequency attracts the things I want and my low frequency attracts ...
Views: 3029(1 vote) - ***The Law of Love - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2011 from Margaret PaulI have learned over my 43 years of counseling that no one heals without a personal connection to a spiritual source of Guidance.William was struggling with issues of shame and depression. He had struggled with feelings of insecurity and jealousy most of his life, despite years of inner work. ...
Views: 2652(1 vote) - ***The Power of Knowing What You Want - by Submitted on May 30, 2014 from Margaret PaulDiscover the great power in knowing what you want and not giving up. "What this power is, I cannot say. All I know is that it exists…and it becomes available only when you are in the state of mind in which you know exactly what you want…and are fully determined not to quit until ...
Views: 1970(1 vote) - ***The Way to Happiness - by Submitted on Jun 28, 2013 from Margaret PaulAre you ready to discover the way to happiness? Are you ready to discover what Epictetus knew over 2000 years ago? "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." ~Epictetus, AD 55-135 It's hard for ...
Views: 1294(1 vote) - ***When is it Helpful to Apologize? - by Submitted on Sep 28, 2009 from Margaret Paul"When it is helpful to apologize?" asked Patricia, a client of mine, in one of our phone sessions. Her husband, Brent, often expected her to apologize and she was confused about when it was appropriate. The answer to this question is a little complex, because there are two different ...
Views: 4063(1 vote) - ***When You Love Yourself, You Let Others Off the Hook - by Submitted on Jan 18, 2012 from Margaret PaulFrequently, when I start to work with a new client, they believe that loving their self is selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth. A more accurate definition of selfish is expecting others to give themselves up and do for you what you can and need to be doing for yourself.Letting ...
Views: 3096(3 votes) - ***Who Am I? - by Submitted on Feb 16, 2012 from Margaret PaulI recently attended a conference and one of the speakers was David Stanley, who lived with Elvis Presley as his stepbrother since David was four years old. His book, about his experiences with Elvis, called “Conversations With the King,” just got published. The book is co-authored by ...
Views: 2760(1 vote) - ***Your Own Inner Work Affects the Whole World! - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2012 from Margaret Paul"Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean." - Johann Wolfgang von GoetheWhat would happen if we each learned to take 100% responsibility for our own feelings and needs - learning to attend to our feelings with compassion for ourselves, and ...
Views: 3736(1 vote) - 10 Keys to Inner Peace and Joy - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2008 from Margaret PaulInner peace and joy are spiritual gifts. The gifts of Spirit enter the heart when we make the choices we need to make to be available to them. What are these choices? Presence Peace and joy exist in this present moment - not in the past or future. If you are in your left-brain ego programmed ...
Views: 3278(2 votes) - Addiction to Spending - by Submitted on Mar 15, 2010 from Margaret Paul"I keep getting into more and more debt, but I can't seem to stop. I do great for a while, and then I just have to go shopping and buy stuff. This is going to ruin my life if I don't stop, but how do I stop?"Mary Beth is addicted to spending. What does this mean and how can she ...
Views: 4928(3 votes) - Alcoholism: Why Can't I Stop Drinking? - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2007 from Margaret PaulThe underlying basis of all addictions - and alcohol is no exception - is the avoidance of pain. While there is evidence that some people have genetic and biological predispositions toward alcoholism, not all people with these predispositions abuse alcohol or become alcohol dependent. Many ...
Views: 11233(2 votes) - Emotional Incest: Will He or She Change? - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2009 from Margaret PaulSharon, one of the members of our website, emailed me asking me to write more on abuse, particularly covert incest. She was in the process of ending her 4-year marriage with her covertly abusive husband, who is emotionally incestuous with his adult daughter. "There is no physical involvement, ...
Views: 3841(1 vote) - Energy Vampires - by Submitted on May 22, 2007 from Margaret PaulDo you sometimes wonder why you feel so drained after being with some people, while you feel energized when being with others? Some people are energy vampires, and actually drain energy from you. How do they do this? What can you do to avoid this? WAYS PEOPLE DRAIN ENERGY Sometimes the ways ...
Views: 7846(2 votes) - High Maintenance Relationships - by Submitted on Sep 08, 2009 from Margaret PaulWhat is a high maintenance relationship? A high maintenance relationship is when someone is making you responsible for him or her in various different areas of life. Emotional High MaintenanceWhen a person takes no responsibility for their own feelings of safety, security, worth, lovability, ...
Views: 14181(3 votes) - Moving Beyond Codependency: Saving Your Marriage - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2007 from Margaret PaulI have counseled couples for almost 40 years, and it still thrills me when a couple, especially a couple with children, choose to work on their troubled marriage instead of leave it. It is my experience that when two people really want to save their marriage, they can. Even if one person wants ...
Views: 6311(1 vote) - Moving Beyond Negative Emotions - by Submitted on Oct 28, 2008 from Margaret Paul"Sooner or later, all of us must see that negative feelings toward another person is like tossing dust at him while the wind blows against us. It all comes back." --Vernon Howard, Psycho-Pictography Negative emotions, such as anger, blame, resentment, misery, jealousy, hurt, guilt, shame, and ...
Views: 2785(1 vote) - Passionate Purpose, Vibrant Health! A 30-Day at home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul - by Submitted on Jun 10, 2019 from Margaret PaulPassionate Purpose, Vibrant Health! A 30-Day at home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul The next course will start on June 26th, 2019, and is offered only once a year. https://innerbonding.com/video/mp4/Passionate_Landing-Page.apple.mp4 Are you ready to discover your calling, and have the ...
Views: 899(1 vote) - The Calm Mind - by Submitted on Mar 23, 2009 from Margaret Paul"The more tranquil a [person] becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom." --James Allen, 1864-1912, Author of As A Man Thinketh Of all the challenges in life, calmness of mind is probably one of ...
Views: 6070(1 vote) - Toxic Guilt, Healthy Guilt - by Submitted on Jun 10, 2006 from Margaret PaulGuilt is an important feeling. It is the appropriate feeling to have when we have deliberately done something hurtful or harmful to others. People who can harm others without any feelings of guilt or remorse were formerly called sociopaths or psychopathic personalities, and are now defined as ...
Views: 8586(2 votes) - When Someone Rejects You, Who Are They Rejecting? - by Submitted on Feb 10, 2010 from Margaret PaulThe fear of rejection is a huge issue in relationships. For some, the fear is so huge that it stops them from being in a relationship. For others, it plagues them throughout their relationships and causes much anxiety.Rejection is a part of life, and learning to lovingly manage it is very ...
Views: 14451(4 votes) - Why Do You Want to "Communicate" With Your Partner? - by Submitted on Jul 03, 2007 from Margaret PaulWhen partners are having problems, they often say that the problem is communication. What exactly does this mean? What are they trying to communicate? There are various reasons for communicating: 1. Sometimes we communicate to offer information about ourselves, such as, "I'm going out for a ...
Views: 3096(1 vote) - What Is Emotional Dependency? - by Submitted on Jan 13, 2010 from Margaret PaulAre you emotionally dependent? You might want to go through this checklist.__I cannot feel lovable and worthy without another's approval. __I need a lot of attention from certain people to feel that I am okay. __I don't trust my own feelings. I need others' to validate my feelings. __I am afraid ...
Views: 9330(7 votes) - ***Anger Power - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2009 from Margaret PaulDoes anger have power? Are you being powerful when you are angry? The answers to these questions depend on what you mean by power. Certainly you can intimidate many people with your anger - especially children or others who are physically weaker than you, or people who are terrified of ...
Views: 4291(4 votes) - How Do You Define Success? - by Submitted on Mar 10, 2010 from Margaret PaulTake a moment to go inside and see how you define success. Is your success defined by:How much money you have?Having a big house and an expensive car?How expensive your clothes are?Traveling first class on airlines?How attractive you are?How attractive your partner is?How famous you are?Winning ...
Views: 5809(7 votes) - *** It's All About Love! - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2009 from Margaret PaulWhat is life REALLY all about? It's all about love! But what does this mean? Most people, when thinking about love, think about BEING LOVED. But, as an adult, the deeper soul's journey is not about being loved - it is about BEING LOVING. For small children, the main focus is on being loved, ...
Views: 3677(3 votes) - *** Relationships: The Dance of Victims and Perpetrators - by Submitted on Jun 02, 2009 from Margaret Paul"He is always blaming me for the bad things that happen in his life, and then he tells me it's my controlling him that is making him so angry. He yells at me and puts me down rather than deal with his own feelings. How can I get him to see that he is the one trying to control me? How can I ...
Views: 4024(6 votes) - *** The Power of Positive Thinking - Does it Work to Manifest? - by Submitted on May 26, 2009 from Margaret PaulI was recently at home of a friend's daughter and she had affirmations taped on the walls everywhere. "Are these helpful to you?" I asked. "Not really," she answered. "I do them all the time but they don't seem to be doing anything. I've read about the law of ...
Views: 4660(3 votes) - ***Addiction to Video Games - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2009 from Margaret PaulEd consulted with me because he was concerned about his 16 year-old son. "He doesn't have any friends. I'd like to spend more time with him but there doesn't seem to be anything he likes to do.""How does he spend his time?" I asked."Playing video games."Betsy ...
Views: 6171(3 votes) - ***Does Psychotherapy Work? - by Submitted on Sep 24, 2009 from Margaret PaulMany years ago, when I became a psychotherapist, all I knew was the traditional psychotherapy that I had learned in school, and that I had personally experienced with many different therapists and many different forms of therapy. For 18 years I practiced what I had learned, and I was never happy ...
Views: 4863(9 votes) - ***The Heart of Healing - by Submitted on Apr 09, 2010 from Margaret PaulI have spent many years trying to discover the ONE thing - the one vital choice - that leads to healing and joy, or to suffering.Over 35 years ago I discovered an essential piece of the puzzle: that we each have only one to two intents at any given moment - to protect against pain and ...
Views: 4896(5 votes) - ***Why Do Men Change After Sex? - by Submitted on Oct 05, 2009 from Margaret Paul"Why do men so often change after sex?" asked Shelley in our first phone session. "Tell me what you mean by this. What has been your experience?" I asked her."I meet a guy who I like. We are very attracted to each other - lots of great chemistry. It doesn't take long ...
Views: 10127(5 votes) - Gaining Others' Respect - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2010 from Margaret PaulWe all want to be respected by others. And, we would all love to have control over whether or not others treat us respectfully. Is this realistic?Nigel, one of my clients, has a lot of confusion about this issue. He believes that people, especially his wife and children, "should" be ...
Views: 4422(7 votes) - The Consequences of Permissive Parenting - by Submitted on Jun 17, 2007 from Margaret PaulYou are being a permissive parent when you are compliant, indulgent, or indifferent with your children. When you are being compliant, you are giving yourself up and going along with what your children want to avoid their upset with you. When you are being indulgent, you are giving in to your ...
Views: 6171(2 votes) - *** Emotional Dependency vs. Emotional Freedom - by Submitted on Jul 14, 2009 from Margaret PaulWhat is Emotional Dependency?Lydia consulted with me because her relationship with her husband, Andrew, was falling apart. Andrew had moved out, stating that he could no longer tolerate Lydia's neediness and constant pull on him to make her feel loved and secure. Now that they were separated, ...
Views: 7515(6 votes) - *** Relationships: Giving Yourself Up Can Kill You - by Submitted on Jul 07, 2009 from Margaret PaulYears ago, when on a book tour for our book, "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", my ex-husband and I had dinner with a couple on the East Coast with whom he had become friends. I connected with Allison (not her real name) immediately. Warm and open, I could see that she was ...
Views: 5518(8 votes) - ***A Problem with Today's Parenting - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2011 from Margaret PaulThere was an interesting article in The Atlantic, entitled "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy: Why the obsession with our kids' happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods. A therapist and mother ...
Views: 2403(2 votes) - ***Forgiveness: Acceptance And Letting Go - by Submitted on Feb 16, 2008 from Margaret PaulHave you ever noticed the difference in people who are able to easily let go of resentment and forgive, and those who stay in anger and blame? What I have noticed is that those who continue to stay in blame and resentment are often people who see themselves as victims of other people's choices. ...
Views: 2672(2 votes) - ***Healing the Fear of Intimacy - by Submitted on Dec 02, 2009 from Margaret PaulWhy would someone be afraid of intimacy? Don't we all want to feel close and connected with someone?Yes, of course we want that, but there are very real fears that keep us from opening to emotional intimacy in a primary relationship.The FearsWhat is the first fearful thought you think when you ...
Views: 6328(4 votes) - ***Is Your Partner Always Pointing Out Your Flaws? - by Submitted on Sep 14, 2009 from Margaret PaulSome people believe that it is caring to point out their partner's flaws - that it will help to make that person a better person. But the intent behind pointing out flaws is not loving - it is controlling.Pointing Out FlawsBy pointing out flaws, you hope that your partner will let go of the ...
Views: 17148(4 votes) - ***What Does Your Child Really Need From You? - by Submitted on Mar 03, 2008 from Margaret PaulMost parents want to be good parents. Yet parenting is one of those things that does not have hard and fast rules. So how do we know what to do? How do we know what will support our children in being all they can be? One of the most important things for parents to do is to learn to trust their ...
Views: 2613(2 votes) - ***What is Enlightenment? - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2012 from Margaret Paul"If I could define enlightenment briefly I would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is." - Dr. Wayne DyerAs simple as this definition seems to be, how often do you quietly accept what is? Instead, what do you say or do?I say things like “It’s not supposed to be this way.” “It should have ...
Views: 3010(2 votes) - ***When Should You Take It Personally? - by Submitted on Jan 05, 2011 from Margaret PaulWe hear so often, "Don't take it personally." What does this really mean? The answer is NOT simple!Let's say that you are in a great mood, feeling loving and expansive, and someone - either someone close to you or a stranger like a clerk in a store - is withdrawn or attacking.This is ...
Views: 3070(2 votes) - ***Women Who Wish Their Spouses Would Die - by Submitted on Oct 26, 2009 from Margaret Paul"I feel awful saying this," Mary told me during one of our phone counseling sessions, "but I often wish my husband would die. I feel like a terrible person saying this, but I think about it a lot.""I hear this fairly often," I responded. "You are thinking this, ...
Views: 4630(4 votes) - Alcoholism and Healing - by Submitted on Feb 04, 2007 from Margaret PaulJeffrey showed up at one of my 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensives to deal with his alcoholism and resulting relationship problems. His past two marriages had ended in messy divorces. His business was falling apart. Yet in the face of all of this, Jeffrey could not or would not stop drinking. Two ...
Views: 3458(2 votes) - Loving Yourself, Loving Your Children - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2006 from Margaret PaulThink about this for a moment: Is it really possible to love your children without loving yourself, or to love yourself without loving your children? The answer is no. If you are ignoring yourself to take care of your children, this is not loving to your children or to yourself. While being ...
Views: 2972(2 votes) - Parenting Adolescents When You Have Changed The Rules - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2007 from Margaret PaulMarilee had grown up with very strict authoritarian parents, and decided that when she had children she would not be controlling with them the way her parents had been with her. Unfortunately, the only thing she knew to do was to be a permissive parent, which meant that instead of controlling ...
Views: 3104(2 votes) - Parenting: What Praise Helps And What Praise Harms? - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2008 from Margaret Paul"...telling children they're smart...made them feel dumber and act dumber." --Mindset, by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., p.74 In her extraordinary book, Mindset, Dr. Carol S. Dweck presents research that, hopefully, will change the course of parenting and education. In one of her research studies, ...
Views: 2573(2 votes) - Parents: Letting Go Of Guilt - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2007 from Margaret PaulHow are your children doing? If they are doing well, then I'm sure you feel good about your parenting. If they are not doing well, what are you telling yourself about your parenting? "I should have been there for them more." "I should have been harder/easier on them." "I should have been a ...
Views: 2564(2 votes)